the beginning of a cycle

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in a house with my family. It may have been morning, not too long after sunrise. Most of my family was in some other part of the house, probably sleeping. But my mother, my brother, and I were all at the front of the house.

We were in a space like a hallway before the living room. But the left wall of the hallway was a small space or structure like a small room with a bunk bed in it or a bunk bed with the bottom bed being as large as the floor of a small room.

As my brother approached the end of the hallway he threw up. There wasn't much vomit, but it managed to splash up from the floor pretty violently, so that I had to move quickly to dodge it. My mom rushed to my brother and supported him to the living room, where he vomited a great deal.

I now understood, possibly from a conversation between my mother and brother, that my brother was really sick because of an alcohol-related disease. The disease had been at bay for a while. But it had started up again because my brother had started drinking heavily again. He had been out last night drinking, so now he was in really bad shape.

I left the living room, partly because I was a little grossed out by all the vomit, but partly because I was disappointed in my brother for having started drinking again.

I walked into the small space on the side wall of the hallway. There were some bits of something that looked like potatoes on the floor. I had the bad feeling that I'd have to clean this stuff off this particular section of floor. If I didn't, nobody else would.

I now heard my mom and brother talking back and forth. My brother told my mom that the best thing was for him just to start his alcohol and substance abuse cycle and get into it as intensely as possible, just let the cycle work itself out, and then let it subside again. This sounded really horrible, and I hoped brother wouldn't do it.

got mad at mom and threw up

Good morning, everybody.

A pretty bad night last night. I was woken not long after I'd fallen asleep, and I couldn't get back to sleep until about an hour before my usual waking up time.

I was running over and over the bad parts of my day. I've been starting to feel secure at my new job. Then on Monday a few things happened to make me think I might end up being unemployed all over again. And then one of my best friends was having a really hard time. So she spoke with me on the phone. But I wasn't too receptive toward her. So I dwelt on my bad attitude for a while last night, too.

Dream #1

I was inside a house. I had an argument with my mom. My sister may have been watching the argument. She may have been surprised at the way I was acting towards my mom.

I ran out of the house. It was night. It was more like I was in front of a smallish, cheaply built apartment building than a house. The sidewalk was small, too, and looked out on a slightly busy street, even though I couldn't see any traffic -- just dark, black sky. There was probably a semi truck and trailer off to my right.

I was wearing a hooded jacket. The hood was drawn tight around my head, even though it wasn't too cold outside. I had gotten sick. I bent over the curb of the sidewalk and began throwing up in the gutter.