girl in hospital gown; a pile of diapers; back of the food line

Dream 1

I walked into a bedroom. Possibly a lot of natural light flowed into the room, making it bright and white. The room may have felt really cluttered. A young girl lay on a mattress that was on the floor in the back right corner of the room. The mattress was crowded all around with all kinds of boxes and other clutter.

I approached the girl, maybe to tell her something. But when I saw her, I was attracted to her. She was still asleep. She rolled around under the blankets. She was wearing something like a hospital gown. I saw her back. I got really aroused.

I got into bed with the girl. I figured, weirdly, that if she'd rolled around to show me her back, she must be attracted to me, too. The back of the woman's gown had snaps on it. So I started to undo the snaps. I saw more and more of the girl's back.

Now an older, tall, kind of fat and burly man walked into the room. He may have asked me whether I'd woken the girl yet. Or he may have said impatiently that we needed to get going, so I needed to get the girl out of bed. But he may have implied through all of this that he didn't approve of me trying to seduce the girl.

I felt ashamed and a little afraid. But I also couldn't remember: had the girl wanted to be with me? Or had she been sleeping all this time and I'd just taken my own attraction to the girl as a sign that she was attracted to me?

Dream 2

I was probably in a place like a hotel room with my mom, my brother, and my sister. But the hotel was also like a bedroom in a duplex my family lived in when I was in sixth grade. My brother and sister may have been kids. But I was probably my current age. It was time for us to leave the hotel. We had to pack up all of our stuff and get going.

I noticed some diapers on the bed, maybe like Pampers Baby Dry. I thought for sure they had to be mine. I must have just worn diapers on some night and forgotten to throw them away the next morning. The diapers weren't dirty. They were just worn.

So I picked up the diapers off the bed. But then I noticed more and more diapers on the bed -- again, not dirty, just worn, like I'd slept in them for the night, then tossed them aside. I went down to the foot of the bed and noticed a ton more diapers. I pushed the bed aside. There were piles of diapers back there.

I knew I'd have to make a real effort to clear out all these old diapers. But I also wanted to make sure that I had them all cleaned out before my mom came back in the room. My brother and sister, as kids, may have been sitting up on the bed, maybe oblivious to all of this.

My mom came back into the room at some point. She stood over me as I was cleaning stuff, maybe not diapers, off the floor. I may have been a kid at this point.

My mom may have said we needed to go somewhere. We may have headed somewhere in a car.

Dream 3

I sat in a chair in some empty restaurant. The restaurant was huge, maybe more like a dance club. I sat at a tall table along a back wall of the restaurant. Off to my left was the cashier's counter. Off behind that may have been more restaurant space. Before me, the space was just empty floor, maybe like a dance floor. The floor must have been some sort of clear material. It may rhythmically have shifted color, from deep blue to white to deep purple.

Somewhere, maybe up near the ceiling, a television may have been playing. The show may have been about Michael Jackson or about the Jackson family. I knew I had something to do with whatever was taking place on the television.

But I was in this restaurant waiting for the cash register to open so I could buy some food. My mom showed up behind the cash register. She started setting it up.

For some reason I was a little afraid to get out of my seat. I felt like I was really high up in the air. Maybe I was high up on some top bunk bed. Or maybe my seat, being at normal height, was near some high ledge.

My mom had opened the cash register. So I walked over to the register. The place had been completely empty before. But now a few people had shown up, and I had to stand behind them in line. I may have been annoyed that I'd been here first but still had to wait. But I just acted like it didn't matter.

rejected body switch; pink adult diapers; little girls at the theater; gigantic domed building

Dream 1

I was probably getting my body switched with someone. I don't know where we were. I was looking up, as if I were almost lying on the ground, toward a woman or a person who had been body-switched into a female body.

The person was bald. Her eyes were rather blank. The underside of her head exposed muscles, like the skin was gone, or like the skin was fabric or material that had run out while the body was being made or reconstructed. But the muscles were flesh-colored, not red and bloody. I probably saw all of this through a tangle of close, black wired.

I was now walking around outside, probably in some big parking lot. It was a sunny day. It was probably morning. But the sunlight was golden, like in late afternoon. The asphalt was dark black, like new.

I was out ahead of some other people. I looked behind to them. Among them was a woman who looked like a cyborg -- probably with a human head but a robotic body. I knew that woman had had her body switched with mine. She'd wanted to be a man, and I'd wanted to be a woman. So we'd switched bodies. But I think her new body wasn't taking so well, and there was a bad feeling that she might die.

I turned my head and started walking forward. I had some misgivings about my new body, too. I had a weird feeling around my jawline, like my face was starting to get rejected, like the tissue was starting to die. I'd be left without a face.

Now I was noticing how difficult it was to walk. It was like the muscles or tendons all around my hips, on the front of my body, were extremely weak. It was like the muscles or tendons were made out of garbage bags. I was more and more exhausted with each step I took.

My body was probably all some kind of black metal, just like the body of the person in the distance behind me. We apparently had real, human bodies -- each other's old bodies, in fact. But the bodies were also these strange, robotic bodies.

I wondered whether my legs weren't being rejected. Were my leg tissues dying? If so, I imagined, my whole body would likely die. However, I also thought that maybe my body was just healing after the body switch. It might take time for my body to get back to normal. But I didn't really know.

I was worried. But I figured that, regardless of what the truth was, I might as well just go about my daily life as if my body weren't going to fail. After all, I didn't want it to fail. I was finally in a woman's body. I could finally live life the way I wanted to.

I got to some place, probably my office, which was a weird, thin structure, like the stairwell up to the bridge-like overpasses that take you from train platform to train platform in railway stations. The inside was very dark, like the walls were all black. The stairway was black. It was also probably made of some kind of marble or granite. A lot of people filed into the building, a stream of business people heading to and up the stairs.

By now, the people who had been walking behind me in the parking lot, who were now likely the scientists who had performed the body switch, were ahead of me, a few steps up the stairway. I knew I needed to follow them so they could monitor my progress.

But I walked only a couple steps up the stairway before I got extremely exhausted. It was so hard to walk with these legs! I didn't think my heart would be able to handle getting all the way up the steps. I really did think now that my body was doomed to fail.

I stood down at the foot of the steps again. There may have been so many business people heading up the steps that it was hard for me not to be carried by their momentum into walking up the steps. But I was trying to figure out what I should do. Should I stay down here and try to find medical help?

I decided to start walking up the steps again. I needed to stay with the scientists. And if I was going to die, I might as well just keep on going, anyway. But maybe my body was just getting back to normal. I decided that what I would do is take each step very easily and slowly, so that I wouldn't put too much strain on myself. I figured that if I couldn't even handle the strain of walking slowly up the steps, I would make a new plan.

Dream 2

I was probably in my house. It may have been a bright day, or it may have been night, and I had lights on in my house. I stood in front of a white wardrobe I have in my living room for linens and cleaning supplies.

I opened the door to the wardrobe. Apparently there were adult baby diapers inside. As soon as I saw them, I was wearing them. I was naked, except for a pink pair of adult baby diapers.

I looked at myself in a mirror that was probably fixed to the back wall of the wardrobe. I was surprised by how good I looked. My body was skinny and smoothly muscular. The adult baby diapers also made my hips look nice.

I swayed my hips back and forth in the mirror. I then turned away from the mirror, probably heading toward my bedroom. I felt so sexy, I thought I would play out some sort of fantasy in my head.

Dream 3

I was probably backstage at some play or musical performance. I had probably come to see the performance. Maybe some of my friends were in it. But I had somehow ended up backstage, like I'd needed to help with things. And now, getting all mixed up in the things happening here, I couldn't be sure whether I'd get out to my seat on time to see things, or whether I'd miss finding out that the performance had been totally canceled.

At some point there was a bald, kind of heavy, white man with thick-rimmed glasses who stood above the rest of the working crowd. He probably had a megaphone. He giving the workers direction. Things were really starting to move now. So I felt like maybe we'd wrap up with whatever we were doing and I could get out into the audience in time for the start of the show.

As the man spoke, the crowd of workers became something more like a big sea of tables with people, like at a big bar or a big awards ceremony. But it also felt like a huge cafeteria or beer garden, with long rows of tables. The light was yellow-grey-green, but very warm-feeling. Everybody seemed like they were in a good mood -- like they were all out drinking and having a good time. I figured that everybody was relaxed enough that there was no doubt I'd be on time to see the show.

I walked a bit farther. I may have heard some voices. I was basically by myself now. I saw, off to my left, a group of people at a microphone. They were all reading a script. It was like they were speaking for people who were out on stage. I realized that the show had already started. But I wasn't here to see the whole show. I was just here to see an act.

I knew now that I was pretty far backstage. I wanted to walk up as close to the stage as I could to see what act was on, to figure whether I'd have enough time to get seated for the act I'd come to see. The backstage area was enormous: a huge, white room, with occasional stage-like black wires and metal frames hanging down here and there. But overall it looked more like the interior of a gigantic Spanish mission than the backstage of a theater.

I probably felt a flash of stage lights, like I was almost to the stage. I may even have imagined myself for a brief instant as the beautiful, 1940s-style starlet up on stage.

I was now looking through some sort of railing, like heavy, classical stone railing. On the other side of the railing was something like a church. A lot of people were seated in pews. But the pews really looked like booth tables at a restaurant. There was a gigantic room filled with these booth tables.

All of these people were here for the show, which hadn't started yet, and which was to be either a church service with a sermon by a really powerful speaker or some kind of performance by a Christian performance group that would visit churches. Everybody seemed very friendly. But they were all very Christian. So I knew they wouldn't like me if they got to know my personal beliefs and inclinations.

I focused on one particular booth table. It was up in some section of tables that was elevated about four or five feet above where I was standing. It was actually like a lot or all of the table areas were elevated about the walkway areas.

The man at the table, the father (the mother was probably there, too), was tall, muscular, white, but tanned like he did a lot of outdoor activity. He wore a t-shirt, green khaki shorts, and a pink, weathered baseball cap. I knew that if he met me, he'd probably like me for a second or two then decide not to like me, maybe because of my olive skin, maybe because he could sense some kind of weirdness about my sexuality. So I tried to stay out of his field of attention altogether.

The man was calling for his daughter. I thought I'd try to help find the man's daughter, but without drawing attention to myself. I saw the man's daughter somewhere. She was a young girl, pretty and blonde. She may have been really girly, with hair in poofy ringlets and wearing an old, frilly kind of dress.

I found the little girl very attractive. So I wanted to talk to her. But I knew that if the father saw me talking to the girl he'd really be angry at me and probably find ways to make me feel bullied, by him or others, for the rest of the time that I was here. But I still wanted to help the daughter get to the father. So I knew I needed to somehow get the girl's attention, then draw her attention back to her father. The girl may also have seen me and wanted to talk to me. But she may have been too shy.

I might simply have given up on talking to and helping the little girl. I may just have seen that there was no way I could win.

The walkways now all ended in something like a close, dim elevator lobby. The lobby had dark, rich carpet and dark, polished stone walls. The elevator doors were made of polished gold or brass. There were shiny, black panels that would occasionally display messages in red, digital lettering. It was like this was a hotel. But it was also like it had a museum or something in it.

Some people, mostly mothers, sat on the floor, playing with their kids or talking as their kids played about. There was one young girl I was attracted to for some reason. She was tall, olive-skinned like me, kind of heavy, with straight black hair. She wore a purple t-shirt and black sweats. I felt like she was maybe twelve years old, though she may have been as tall as or taller than I.

I tried to avoid looking at the girl. I didn't want to creep her out, and I didn't want the mothers to know I was attracted to her. I headed straight toward the elevator.

The mothers were talking about what the kids liked to do while they were at this building. The mother said, "She" (meaning the girl in the purple shirt) "loves to go with her aunt and shuttle all the way up to the 72nd floor! They do that as many times a day as they can."

I got really dizzy. I hadn't known this building was at least 72 stories tall! I had thought it was just a theater building. I also knew I was heading up the elevator. But I didn't know where to. I was suddenly really hesitant about even getting onto the elevator. Would I have to go up to the 72nd floor? Or even higher?

I started to justify everything. Just because the building was at least 72 stories tall, that didn't mean the place I was going to had to be that high up. I obviously didn't need to worry about it. So I felt better.

But then I got worried again. I thought, If I'm in a building that's 72 stories tall, if it falls, it will definitely crush me and kill me!

I was really dizzy now. I didn't want to get onto the elevator at all. I sat down in front of the doors.

The mothers were still talking about the girl's trips to the 72nd floor. They said, "She loves to go up there because there's a toy store up there."

I thought, Wow! If there's a toy store on the 72nd floor, I might like to go up there!

I looked over to the girl now. She was laying on her back, with her knees up in the air. I could see her crotch. I was turned on. So I quickly looked away.

The daughter suddenly became interested in me. She started wriggling her way toward me, staying in a kind of seated position on the floor. The mothers could also see that I was attracted to the girl. I tried to look away from the girl, tying to keep my attraction to her inconspicuous. But since the girl was obviously coming over to me, I wasn't going to ignore her. I would talk with her or play with her. Whatever she wanted to do.

The girl was, in fact, talking to me, maybe even about the toy store. But even though she was talking, kind of innocently, as she got very close to me, she spread her legs entirely. She lifted up her crotch and pointed it straight at me. I was now really attracted to the girl.

This building was a hotel. I wanted to take the girl into the elevator and up to my room right away. But as I kept looking at the girl, with her legs spread and crotch lifted up at me, I thought I might like to just lay down on top of her right now. I may have tried to figure out if there was a way I could do that without making the mothers think I was attracted to the girl.

Dream 4

I was out walking along a large street. It was a residential street, but it felt really big, like some of the streets on the crest of steep hills in San Francisco. But I probably thought I was "home," i.e. in Denver. The sky was a deep, electric blue. The houses themselves, possibly all row houses or apartments, had beige walls. But the beige was also a deep tan color, like the sunlight was soaking deep into everything and turning it into a much deeper, more electric color.

I was walking in one direction (either east or west). I knew I was heading away from downtown, likely away from downtown Denver. But in the distance I saw an enormous building with a cupola, like the Capitol building.

I knew the building couldn't be the Capitol. I was heading in the opposite direction. But I couldn't figure out what other building it could be. I was a bit worried and confused at first. How could I be seeing something I was supposed to be headed away from? But my mind was a little more at ease when I told myself the building simply couldn't be the Capitol.

The building was off in the distance, behind blocks and blocks of row houses or apartment buildings. But it was gigantic enough, still, to loom over all of them. The building was made of stone, like massy, muted stone. But it was blue, not grey. That was very interesting to me. Also, the dome, instead of being gold, was some strange kind of iridescent purple. It was so strange. I really wanted to see it up close!

I may have started telling myself that that building was in a different town, maybe even Austin, Texas. I may have told myself that I was actually walking into another town.

Some kids may have crossed the enormous street. They were a big school group, probably of early elementary school kids. They may all or mostly have been Hispanic. I had continued walking forward, so by the time they and their teachers had crossed the big street, they were walking behind me.

As we approached another intersection, I heard the kids speaking, either in Spanish, Japanese, or both Spanish and Japanese. I may have responded to something they'd said in Japanese as I'd passed them as they were still crossing the big street. They may have been impressed that I'd understood them. So they started talking about me, only indirectly, kind of curious whether I could still understand them.

As we crossed the intersection (the road we crossed was small, like a neighborhood road, not like the huge road on our right), I thought I'd say something to the kids to prove I could speak Japanese. I searched my mind for something to say. It was hard to figure out the words.

Then I turned around as I approached the opposite curb. I continued walking, though backwards, so I could keep facing the kids. As I started speaking, I noticed that my mouth was full of food. This would make it hard for me to speak and hard for the kids to understand me.

I said, "Genki desu ka?" The kids may have acknowledged me a little.

As I turned around and started walking forward again, one of the kids said, in English, "That means, 'I am very well.'"

I was pretty sure that that wasn't what I had said. But at least I had somewhat proven to the kids that I could speak their language.

In the distance, and down a slope that we had now approached, I saw a big, obelisk-like monument. It was in a small patch of drying, dead lawn that was bordered by a heavy, grey, stone fence. I felt like the big monument might have something to do with the gigantic, purple-domed building in the distance. So I really, really wanted to see it. It would help me figure out where I really was.

Suddenly I was flying over the road and down toward the monument. Some of the kids remarked in English that I should keep on flying and get to the monument quicker because it was a really interesting spot.

I flew over the plot of land that the monument was in. An old woman was out walking two animals, possibly a dog and a sheep. I was trying to land. But it seemed like anyway I would land would basically lead to me landing on and killing the sheep.

There were some other people near the monument -- maybe residents and some tourists. At least one woman remarked on my difficult situation. She could tell that I didn't want to kill the sheep. Yet she could see that if I landed, I'd likely kill the sheep and make it look like I had meant to do so.

I floated up and over toward the monument. I was in some weird state right now -- not quite landing, but no longer really able to fly. But I also had a hard time directing my motion at all. I could tell there was some sort of plaque, either on the monument or on a staircase leading up to the monument. I was trying to get to the plaque so I could read it and figure out where I was.

I may eventually have bobbed and floated my way over to the plaque, wherever it was. But I was still so bad at guiding myself that I was just facing away from the plaque! I couldn't turn myself around so I could actually read it!

I may possibly at this point have been carried away, as if by a gust of wind, toward the gigantic, purple-domed building. I may have resigned myself to my condition by now. I figured I'd learn where I really was soon enough. I may still have thought I was in Austin. But I may also have thought I was in some Mexican or Latin American city.

At some point I may have seen the huge building again, as if I were floating in the sky above it, though it was still in the distance. But I may have seen above it an image of a gigantic puff of popcorn and a gigantic image of one of the Jeff Koons balloon animal sculptures.

guest rooms; big mac commercial

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

Two men, who were like two men I knew in waking life from my park work in Brooklyn, CA and his partner, were showing me around their new apartment. They had done everything in a specific style, though I can't now remember what that style was.

The men now showed me their bedrooms, which were on the second floor of the apartment. There were two rooms the men really wanted to show me. At least one of the rooms was a guest room.

I looked in on both rooms. The rooms were sparse, with clean, wooden floors and thick mats on the floors instead of beds. The style looked Japanese. I liked it a lot.

I got excited and told the men how much I liked the rooms. I was secretly hoping that the men would invite me to live with them. We walked into one of the rooms.

I reflected that if I lived with the men I would either have to figure out a way to wear diapers without their knowing about it, or I'd have to tell the men about my wearing diapers, which they probably wouldn't like. So I probably wouldn't be able to live with the men.

I may have seen or imagined a dresser in the bedroom. I thought I could put my packs of Pampers Baby Dry diapers on the left side of the bottom dresser.

There were now lights like Christmas lights hanging from the ceiling of the bedroom. The lights glowed crystal blue and hung in a branch-like design. The lights gave off some glow other than the usual Christmas light glow, which felt very magical.

I was now a part of something like a group of university kids or a group of young professionals. The two men had invited us to their house for a party, so we could feel like a part of whatever organization we were in. We had just finished the tour of the house with this room.

We now headed back downstairs, where we would have either dinner or tea. Some people headed into the kitchen, which was off to my right. Some people stayed in the small, bright room at the foot of the stairs.

In this small, bright room there were a few rows of shoes. I realized that everybody in the school group except for I must have taken off their shoes before walking around the house. I felt guilty for not having taken off my shoes. I decided to take off my shoes now. I may also have thought that if I took my shoes off now, I'd get a whole new pair of shoes at the end of the night.

A skinny, young, blonde woman sitting on the floor noticed me taking off my shoes. She asked me why I was taking off my shoes. I told her why. She said that it wasn't really any use for me to take off my shoes this late into our visit. So why didn't I just keep them on?

Dream #2

A McDonald's commercial. Three people sat in a fancy library with heavy wood tables and cabinets. The three people all sat at the same table. Two people sat on one side of the table, and one person sat on the other. The two sides of the table were divided from each other by a tall, thick wall or cabinet.

One of the people was an older, heavyset, black man. Another was an older, white woman. All three of the people were dressed nicely and looked very intelligent.

Each person had a Big Mac sitting before him. Each person was giving a "break up" speech to the Big Mac. The speech was about something like how delicious the Big Mac was, but how the Big Mac wasn't healthy, so that the people had to "break up" with the Big Mac by no longer eating it. The commercial, I knew, would then reveal how the Big Mac had been made healthy.

But one of the characters had said something strange toward the end of her speech. The strange thing had been about being able to see something up in space either with the naked eye or with only a regular telescope. But the other characters laughed that this was obviously impossible.

The woman laughed. Of course, she said, she now realized it was impossible. The woman then spoke about a family member (or more than one family member?) she had up on a space ship that was traveling to Jupiter, then Neptune.

The woman looked forward to the contact she would periodically receive from her family members. She now acted very sentimentally, acting out what she would say to her family members in the next communication.