Good morning, everybody.
Dream #1
I was in a bedroom in an apartment that was probably my apartment. It felt like a really nice, big apartment on a high up floor in some busy part of a big city. The ceilings were high. I may have been kneeling on the floor and looking up toward my right, to a tall, narrow window with shutters and some kind of gauzy curtains around it. It was night, and my bedroom lights were on.
I was apparently doing something perverted in my room. I might actually have been wearing a wedding dress. I was worried that the people in the apartments across the street from me would see into my room and see what I was doing. The gauzy curtains were drawn over the windows. I couldn't quite convince myself that this was enough. I thought I might draw something more over the window. But I didn't want to stand in front of the window and have people see me. So I just kept crouching.
I was now walking into a small bookshop in some small, but clean and quaint, kind of Main Street area, like in a small town. I had been in the bookstore before, and I knew that the woman who worked there knew me. In fact, I kind of worried that I'd been coming to the bookstore too often, and that the woman would start to think I was some crazy guy who was attracted to her.
The bookshop had small bookshelves, all through the front room, like in the children's section of a public library. Some guy was working between one of the shelves and a big window wall off to my right. I didn't see the guy at first. But then he stood up from behind the shelves. I figured that since the guy was working today, the woman wouldn't be here. I was a little let down. The woman would know me and treat me somewhat indifferently. But I was worried that the guy would eventually get suspicious toward me or start trying to annoy me.
But then the woman showed up. I tried to act like I wasn't very aware of her. I walked into some other room, off to my left. There were tall shelves in this room. But against a wall off to my right was a waist-high bookshelf that held books on mysticism and spirituality. I knelt down and looked at some of those books. They were all paperbacks, kind of old. Some of them had covers more indicative of science or business books than of spiritual books. One book may have been written by W.B. Yeats, although I may have thought of him as a business writer instead of as a poet.
Dream #2
I was in an office. The office was one room, maybe ten meters long and five meters wide. There were two long tables set up in it: one at the center of the room, and the other on the right side of the room. People sat working at computers all along these two tables. I sat at a computer in the corner of the room, at the end of the table along the right wall.
Some of my co-workers began discussing how they might get me to do some of their work for them. They were mumbling this to themselves, as if they thought I couldn't hear them. I got mad. I knew they were going to try and find a way to dump a bunch of work on me without asking me beforehand whether I could do it.
Now one of my co-workers, a guy about my age, tried to play friendly with me, to butter me up before all the work got dumped on me. I was wearing a hoodie. The man walked up behind me and pulled the hood over my head. The man just thought he was making a funny joke. But something about it really pissed me off and panicked me.
The guy had walked back to his desk and sat down, like he'd realized he'd done something dumb, but that he didn't think it was a big deal. But I followed the guy to his desk and began screaming and yelling at him. I also began yelling at everybody I thought was in on the plans to get all their work dumped on me. Among these people was some woman who sat near the guy.
I walked back to my desk. I now noticed that one of my old co-workers, DE, was sitting at the computer to my left. He began typing on his phone. I knew he was gossiping about how violent I had just been. IWL he had always criticized me for being too emotional in situations that made me uncomfortable.
Now the woman who was among the people I had screamed at walked up to me and asked me about something not work related. It may have had to do with some kind of university course she was taking. The woman had a binder filled with papers of about the same consistency as coloring book paper. The papers all dealt with psychological disorders.
The woman asked me how I'd interpret some kind of diagnostic passage relating to some kind of specific mental disease. She read it in a mumbling kind of voice. I tried to catch everything she said, especially because I felt she was trying to "catch" me or "expose" me somehow as not being smart enough to understand her studies. But it sounded like she'd only read half of the text. It even seemed like she got discouraged about halfway through reading and just walked back to her desk.
So now I stood up and walked toward her desk. I was starting to piece together what the woman had read, and everything started to sound familiar to me. I was pretty sure I knew what disease the woman had been talking about. I asked the woman for the book. I looked things over. The woman said that the one thing she wasn't understanding was where it said this disease, which was purely psychogenic, caused an actual physical decay of the brain.
I told the woman that this was correct: that this disease did lead to a physical decay of the brain. Now everybody was listening. Everybody seemed to be pretty shocked that the disease could do this. But I said it wasn't such a strange thing. I began discussing how the abuse of certain drugs could also lead to conditions where people developed decay in their brains.
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
make yourself useful; nephew handoff
Good morning, everybody.
Dream #1
I was at some kind of big dinner. It was in some place like a school gym. The lights were all greenish fluorescent, like big floodlights hanging from the ceiling. The room was full of tables.
I sat at a round table with a few other people. The people I sat with were probably park rangers I've known. Everybody was talking, like at any old dinner. But it was also like everybody was giving some sort of presentation. The presentation mainly had to do with whether everybody had been doing their job well.
At the end, the task somehow fell on me of giving criticisms regarding all the rangers' performances. I said something like, "Spend less time focusing on showing how much you know about the things you know, and more time learning the things you don't know," or "Spend less time talking about the things that aren't important and more time talking about the things that are important."
While I gave my little criticism, I alternately stood up and sat down. While I sat down, I sat really far back in my chair. The whole time, everybody else at the table was blocked from my view, as if there were some huge candle or centerpiece or pile of clutter on the table.
The conversation apparently started up again. Again, I was asked to respond. But this time, when I responded, I saw, sitting to the right of one of the rangers, an old friend of mine, KB. She looked really healthy and young, though kind of skinny. She had short, spiky hair and a shiny, black leather jacket. She waved to me surreptitiously and smile-smirked a little. At first I didn't think it was her. But then I realized it was. As I sat down I tried to look past all the stuff on the table to see KB again. I could tell that she could see me and recognize me alright, even though I couldn't quite see her.
I was probably about to call out to KB. But something else happened. It was like there was now something else going on in the gym, like a physical contest of some kind. It probably involvled high school kids. I was somehow a part of it.
The gym floor was cleared out. The conestants sat on either side of the floor. I sat among one of the group. The contest may have been explained, or I may have known what it was about at the time. But I don't remember now. It was something like a race. There may have been something to do with thin, wooden frames and creme pies as well. There was also something to do with a test of strength. I think this got me worried. I was worried about something with my shoulder or something with my arm.
The scene of the contest shifted. It was like the contest, or at least part of the contest, was over. I had possibly embarrassed myself in some way during the contest, probably disappointing my teammates as well. It was like the gym was mostly cleared out, quiet and empty.
I sat on the floor. Two or three young men sat near me. They all started talking about how I should do this or that next time to keep from failing so bad at the game. They did it in a kind of joking way, like they thought something about my clumsiness was endearing. They probably eventually gave up and just told me to come sit by them.
But when I sat by them I was sitting with a whole group of high schoolers again. There may have been a general feeling of disappointment from everybody, as if nobody could believe I actually had to be on their team. I would really slow things down for them. Most of the people who thought this seemed to be guys. But there were a few girls who thought I was cute. They were happy to have me around.
I was sitting by myself again, a few meters in front of the team I had been sitting with. The gym looked different now. It was like there were window walls or high-up windows -- windows somewhere -- showing the black night sky outside.
I had the feeling I was supposed to be giving some kind of presentation. But there were a few girls in the front row of the team I had been sitting with. One or more of the girls started asking me questions, like advice questions about their lives or about paying bills. They asked partly because they thought I could help, but partly because they thought I was cute and they just wanted to talk to me. I was a little nervous about talking with them. I didn't want the boys to be jealous and start causing troubles for me.
I was now sitting right next to one of the girls. She was kind of skinny, with long, dark brown hair. She wore a dark, velvet mini-dress and something like a velvet rose in her hair. She started whispering her questions into my ear.
Dream #2
I was down in the basement of my family's house. My nephews were down there, too, running around and making messes out of things. Some of them ran into the laundry room. Others were messing around in the main part of the basement. I was trying to get them all to stop and just go back upstairs. But they wouldn't listen to me.
Finally they all just jumped into the bathroom. They left the door open a crack, so that I could see they were running around in there, making messes. I was getting really angry. At last, I opened the door and grabbed the first kid I could see -- my youngest nephew. I held him by his right arm and held him outward from me. He didn't struggle. It was like he was some solid, motionless object, like a coffee pot.
I walked up the stairs and into the living room. It was night. The only light in the living room came from the hallway. The living room seemed to be just as busy with kids as the basement had been. My brother-in-law was standing in front of the TV, which was shut off. I handed my nephew over to my brother-in-law.
Dream #1
I was at some kind of big dinner. It was in some place like a school gym. The lights were all greenish fluorescent, like big floodlights hanging from the ceiling. The room was full of tables.
I sat at a round table with a few other people. The people I sat with were probably park rangers I've known. Everybody was talking, like at any old dinner. But it was also like everybody was giving some sort of presentation. The presentation mainly had to do with whether everybody had been doing their job well.
At the end, the task somehow fell on me of giving criticisms regarding all the rangers' performances. I said something like, "Spend less time focusing on showing how much you know about the things you know, and more time learning the things you don't know," or "Spend less time talking about the things that aren't important and more time talking about the things that are important."
While I gave my little criticism, I alternately stood up and sat down. While I sat down, I sat really far back in my chair. The whole time, everybody else at the table was blocked from my view, as if there were some huge candle or centerpiece or pile of clutter on the table.
The conversation apparently started up again. Again, I was asked to respond. But this time, when I responded, I saw, sitting to the right of one of the rangers, an old friend of mine, KB. She looked really healthy and young, though kind of skinny. She had short, spiky hair and a shiny, black leather jacket. She waved to me surreptitiously and smile-smirked a little. At first I didn't think it was her. But then I realized it was. As I sat down I tried to look past all the stuff on the table to see KB again. I could tell that she could see me and recognize me alright, even though I couldn't quite see her.
I was probably about to call out to KB. But something else happened. It was like there was now something else going on in the gym, like a physical contest of some kind. It probably involvled high school kids. I was somehow a part of it.
The gym floor was cleared out. The conestants sat on either side of the floor. I sat among one of the group. The contest may have been explained, or I may have known what it was about at the time. But I don't remember now. It was something like a race. There may have been something to do with thin, wooden frames and creme pies as well. There was also something to do with a test of strength. I think this got me worried. I was worried about something with my shoulder or something with my arm.
The scene of the contest shifted. It was like the contest, or at least part of the contest, was over. I had possibly embarrassed myself in some way during the contest, probably disappointing my teammates as well. It was like the gym was mostly cleared out, quiet and empty.
I sat on the floor. Two or three young men sat near me. They all started talking about how I should do this or that next time to keep from failing so bad at the game. They did it in a kind of joking way, like they thought something about my clumsiness was endearing. They probably eventually gave up and just told me to come sit by them.
But when I sat by them I was sitting with a whole group of high schoolers again. There may have been a general feeling of disappointment from everybody, as if nobody could believe I actually had to be on their team. I would really slow things down for them. Most of the people who thought this seemed to be guys. But there were a few girls who thought I was cute. They were happy to have me around.
I was sitting by myself again, a few meters in front of the team I had been sitting with. The gym looked different now. It was like there were window walls or high-up windows -- windows somewhere -- showing the black night sky outside.
I had the feeling I was supposed to be giving some kind of presentation. But there were a few girls in the front row of the team I had been sitting with. One or more of the girls started asking me questions, like advice questions about their lives or about paying bills. They asked partly because they thought I could help, but partly because they thought I was cute and they just wanted to talk to me. I was a little nervous about talking with them. I didn't want the boys to be jealous and start causing troubles for me.
I was now sitting right next to one of the girls. She was kind of skinny, with long, dark brown hair. She wore a dark, velvet mini-dress and something like a velvet rose in her hair. She started whispering her questions into my ear.
Dream #2
I was down in the basement of my family's house. My nephews were down there, too, running around and making messes out of things. Some of them ran into the laundry room. Others were messing around in the main part of the basement. I was trying to get them all to stop and just go back upstairs. But they wouldn't listen to me.
Finally they all just jumped into the bathroom. They left the door open a crack, so that I could see they were running around in there, making messes. I was getting really angry. At last, I opened the door and grabbed the first kid I could see -- my youngest nephew. I held him by his right arm and held him outward from me. He didn't struggle. It was like he was some solid, motionless object, like a coffee pot.
I walked up the stairs and into the living room. It was night. The only light in the living room came from the hallway. The living room seemed to be just as busy with kids as the basement had been. My brother-in-law was standing in front of the TV, which was shut off. I handed my nephew over to my brother-in-law.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
college violence; rent payment
Good morning, everybody.
Dream #1
I got into a long line that ran out outside the door of a building. The building may have been on a college campus, possibly the campus for my old university. The building was tall and white, made out of stone that kind of seemed to be chipping away.
I was in line with a group of college kids. I was telling myself, even as I was in line, that maybe it would be a good idea for me to go back to college. The line was something like a class registration line or a line for picking up the books for my classes.
Now that I was in line, I was starting to have second thoughts about going back to school. This long line, I thought, would probably only be the first of many long lines I'd be going through in school. Did I really want to do all that? And what about my old major? Would I really have to go back to the theatre department? What would people think of me?
But something about the theatre department made me think that things wouldn't be so bad after all. If people were there who remembered me, I might end up feeling comfortable and having a good time.
I was now up at a counter, talking with someone behind the counter. It seemed like it was after hours. The place was really empty and quiet. There were some window walls, and everything seemed dark outside. Inside, the light was a harsh, bright, greenish fluorescent. The counter I stood at was high, like a judge's bench. But the person behind it may have been dressed like a chef in a 1950s diner.
The guy behind the counter may have been trying to pacify me. The situation may have been tense, even though I didn't know it. I thought we were just talking normally, about day-to-day stuff. And we probably were. But the man may only have been talking to me this way to calm me down. I may have just finished beating the heck out of some guy, just smashing his face into the ground. But I wasn't quite sure if I'd actually done this.
Now a woman came up to the counter on my left. She was short and skinny, with a kind of boyish look. She wore a slim, shiny, black leather jacket. She had dark, olive colored skin and dark, reddish hair. She was smirking and saying something annoying. I knew she was getting ready to start trouble, and that she was trying to intimidate people beforehand, so people would be afraid to stop her before she started trouble.
I wouldn't let the woman intimidate me. I got really angry at her. I picked her up and began slamming her face into the ground. I was dragging the woman all the way to the door, bashing her face into the ground.
Now I was being walked back through the building, away from the front door. I couldn't quite believe or remember anything I'd done. But I looked at the floor and saw a trail of blood. It almost looked like stamps on the ground, like someone had stamped individual Rorschach designs on the floor in blood.
A couple of people, tall men, maybe one of them dressed like a hospital orderly, may have walked with me. One of the men had now gone out through some back door of the room we were in, probably to get a group of other guys to take care of me. In the meantime, I had to sit on a bench with some other guy. This guy was like the chef guy who had been behind the counter. We spoke calmly, but I could see that the guy was waiting for me to get violent again.
Dream #2
I was in an apartment, just moving in, even though the apartment looked furnished and completely moved into already. My sister may have been with me. The landlady was also with us. She was a young, blonde, pretty woman.
I had to give the woman my first month of rent money. But it turned out that instead of owing rent for a month, I only owed rent for a few days. My whole month's rent wouldn't actually be due until the following month.
Surprised, I pulled either some money or a check or money order for the small amount the woman had named out of my pocket and handed it to the woman.
Dream #1
I got into a long line that ran out outside the door of a building. The building may have been on a college campus, possibly the campus for my old university. The building was tall and white, made out of stone that kind of seemed to be chipping away.
I was in line with a group of college kids. I was telling myself, even as I was in line, that maybe it would be a good idea for me to go back to college. The line was something like a class registration line or a line for picking up the books for my classes.
Now that I was in line, I was starting to have second thoughts about going back to school. This long line, I thought, would probably only be the first of many long lines I'd be going through in school. Did I really want to do all that? And what about my old major? Would I really have to go back to the theatre department? What would people think of me?
But something about the theatre department made me think that things wouldn't be so bad after all. If people were there who remembered me, I might end up feeling comfortable and having a good time.
I was now up at a counter, talking with someone behind the counter. It seemed like it was after hours. The place was really empty and quiet. There were some window walls, and everything seemed dark outside. Inside, the light was a harsh, bright, greenish fluorescent. The counter I stood at was high, like a judge's bench. But the person behind it may have been dressed like a chef in a 1950s diner.
The guy behind the counter may have been trying to pacify me. The situation may have been tense, even though I didn't know it. I thought we were just talking normally, about day-to-day stuff. And we probably were. But the man may only have been talking to me this way to calm me down. I may have just finished beating the heck out of some guy, just smashing his face into the ground. But I wasn't quite sure if I'd actually done this.
Now a woman came up to the counter on my left. She was short and skinny, with a kind of boyish look. She wore a slim, shiny, black leather jacket. She had dark, olive colored skin and dark, reddish hair. She was smirking and saying something annoying. I knew she was getting ready to start trouble, and that she was trying to intimidate people beforehand, so people would be afraid to stop her before she started trouble.
I wouldn't let the woman intimidate me. I got really angry at her. I picked her up and began slamming her face into the ground. I was dragging the woman all the way to the door, bashing her face into the ground.
Now I was being walked back through the building, away from the front door. I couldn't quite believe or remember anything I'd done. But I looked at the floor and saw a trail of blood. It almost looked like stamps on the ground, like someone had stamped individual Rorschach designs on the floor in blood.
A couple of people, tall men, maybe one of them dressed like a hospital orderly, may have walked with me. One of the men had now gone out through some back door of the room we were in, probably to get a group of other guys to take care of me. In the meantime, I had to sit on a bench with some other guy. This guy was like the chef guy who had been behind the counter. We spoke calmly, but I could see that the guy was waiting for me to get violent again.
Dream #2
I was in an apartment, just moving in, even though the apartment looked furnished and completely moved into already. My sister may have been with me. The landlady was also with us. She was a young, blonde, pretty woman.
I had to give the woman my first month of rent money. But it turned out that instead of owing rent for a month, I only owed rent for a few days. My whole month's rent wouldn't actually be due until the following month.
Surprised, I pulled either some money or a check or money order for the small amount the woman had named out of my pocket and handed it to the woman.
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