rub her crotch; important people; fitness video; pulled by a ship

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

There was a naked woman on a bed. She lay on her back with her legs bent, so that her knees were up in the air. There was a man on the bed with her. There may have been one other person on the bed.

The woman may have had a miscarriage or an abortion. Her vagina may have been in pain. She was trying to expose her vagina to the man on the bed so that he'd rub it and make her feel better. She didn't want to have sex. She just wanted to be comforted.

The woman was then lying on the floor, in the same position, with her crotch turned toward the bed. But now there may have been nobody on the bed. The woman was still in pain and still looking for someone to comfort her.

Dream #2

I was probably in the living room of an apartment, which was probably my mom's apartment. My mom may have been throwing some kind of party there. There weren't many people. The lights were dim. The living room was mostly empty. The floor seemed to be a little littered with blankets.

It was getting late, so I decided to leave. My apartment was just across the hallway from my mom's apartment. Just as I was getting into my apartment, I heard that somebody very important was going to be coming for a visit. For some reason, I thought they were going to be coming to my apartment.

My apartment was just as empty as my mom's There was one blanket on my floor. I sat on it and read a book. I was dressed in something strange, like boy's pajama pants and a pink girl's shirt. I may even have been wearing some kind of big jester's hat.

I'd thought at first that when the important person came over, he, or she, or they would be impressed by the book I was reading. But now I thought my clothes, as well of the kind of lazy way in which I was reading, would make a bad impression on the important person or people.

So I stood up to change my clothes. I got into a pair of jeans and a regular t-shirt. But I still felt like even in clothes more like daytime clothes I still looked raggedy and lazy. But I didn't know what else to change into.

I also got the feeling, now, that the important person or people were coming to my mom's apartment, not mine. I decided I'd better head back over to my mom's apartment.

Dream #3

I was in a living room with a small group of people. I don't know what my relation to them was. They were men and women, good looking, in maybe their twenties and thirties. One of the guys was an exercise instructor. He was the biggest and most muscular of us all. He was tanned golden brown, and he had long, platinum blonde hair. He wore a tight, red t-shirt that showed off his muscles.

It was now time for everybody to go to bed. I went into my bedroom, even though everybody else may have been staying in the living room. My room was dark. But on one wall there was something like a TV screen that was surrounded by neon lights. The TV screen began to play a fitness video. I lay on the floor, covered in blankets. The main thing the fitness video was doing was leg lifts. So I did leg lifts with the video.

The exercise instructor walked into my room. I was ashamed that he'd caught me working out with the fitness video. The fitness video came from a different company than the company he worked for. I either tried to justify myself or apologize to the man. But the man said it was alright. His fitness company didn't have a leg lifts program like this one. So he'd suggest I use this tape if I was concerned with doing leg lifts.

The exercise instructor left the room. The fitness video was now turned off. The only thing showing on the wall were the neon lights, which shined in a pattern of top half, then bottom half, then top half, then bottom half. I think I was using this pattern to continue my leg lift exercises.

Dream #4

I was out near water with my family. It was a grey day, but it wasn't raining. My brother-in-law, sister, and a couple of my nephews were all out in the water on a small, very narrow, white-painted boat. The boat may have been made out of some kind of metal. The water was greenish and relatively calm.

I stood on some dock or boardwalk, leaning against some waist-high metal railing. My mom may have been standing next to me -- although she may have been a tall, youngish, thin woman wearing a flowing, white dress, a broad-brimmed, white straw hat, and sunglasses.

The woman/my mom and I may have been having some discussion. Possibly because of that discussion, I decided I needed to have some fun in the water. So I jumped in. I swam to the boat. My brother may have been somewhere in the water as well.

I climbed onto the boat. I sat in the boat for a moment. There were little puddles toward the bow end of the boat. In the little puddles were greenish animals, which I may have taken for lizards, even though they seem to have been creatures more like neon green anemones.

I knew my brother-in-law was sitting at the stern end of the boat. My sister and nephews were also on the boat, and I think I could occasionally see my sister and my youngest nephew, although I couldn't actually see them on the boat. But I decided that the boat was way too crowded for me to stay on it. I jumped back off.

I jumped out on the opposite side of the boat from the dock, so that I felt like I was in deeper water. We were in something like a river, or maybe more like a canal. It was easy for me to swim farther and farther away from the side I'd jumped in on. But when I tried to swim back toward the boat or the dock, I felt a strong pushing against me.

Some woman, either my sister or a copper-skinned woman with jet-black hair and deep, black eyes swimming next to me, said something like, "Now you know the lesson."

I said, "Uh-huh. I do."

The woman said, "You don't swim too deep into the water. Or the current will pull you away. It will be really hard for you to get back to shore."

I thought about my cell phone, which I knew was in my pocket. I cried, "Oh, crap! My phone!" I pulled it out of my pocket. I held it above the water, hoping that irreparable damage hadn't been done, and that I could keep the phone out of the water from here on out.

There was a ship in the water. It was pretty big, for the space it was travelling through. Its hull was mostly black. Toward the deck the ship turned white. Almost all the top portion of the ship was white. The ship looked like some sort of military or commercial vessel. But it may also have been used for some kind of recreational purposes.

I got caught up in the pull of the vessel. I tried to swim out of it, but it was too hard. I got pulled closer and closer. I figured that, at this point, there was nothing I could do. I'd probably get sucked under the ship and die. But I thought that if I didn't die, I could push off of the ship and try to use some of that force to get myself out of the pull of the vessel.

I reached the ship without being pulled under. I kicked off of it and broke free of a little bit of the pull. But I ended up drifting around so I was now behind the vessel. From the back, the vessel looked even more like some recreational vessel, maybe even like a really big yacht. The name of the ship curved around the top of the back end of the vessel.

I was now in the ship's tow. I couldn't avoid it. Wherever the ship went, I would go as well. The ship looped around, apparently, then headed down into some area that was like a gigantic tunnel. The ship slowed down a lot. I could tell it was coming to a stop. I worried that when it came to a stop I'd be drawn all the way back to it and then sucked under the ship, where I'd be chopped up by the rotor blades.

The ship stopped. But I wasn't sucked under. I moved a little closer to the ship, then I stopped. Behind me was a small boat carrying my aunt and her husband. Behind my aunt's boat were a whole string of small boats. It was like we were actually on some kind of theme park ride, like this had all been some kind of water slide.

There was a wooden walkway just to our right. My aunt was complaining about the ride as she and her husband stood out of it. I pulled myself up out of the water.

I think my aunt was now complaining about a broken down refrigerator on the wooden walkway. Apparently my aunt thought she'd be able to get food out of the fridge, like it was a fridge that my family had reserved space in. But since it was broken, my aunt wouldn't be able to get any food. I thought my aunt's complaints were unfair. I was trying to think of a way for her to get food. If I could tell her a different way to get food, maybe she'd stop complaining.

We had been let out of the water at some level below the place we'd come from. So we had to walk up a long stairway to get back to the regular level. As we did, I looked down to the wooden walkway, to the refrigerator my aunt had been talking about. It was surrounded by other machinery, and it was lit in orange streetlight. The area surrounding the refrigerator actually looked like a parking garage to me.

My aunt and her husband were now gone. But I was surrounded by people, all people who'd gotten off the ride I'd apparently been a part of. A lot of us were walking up the stairs. I assumed we'd be going up to the river that I'd originally jumped into. But we were now heading up a steep slope of dry, dusty soil. At the end of the staircase, we ended up walking out onto some dirt walkway. The dirt walkway, I knew, headed to a sidewalk that led into the edge of a shopping district of some neighborhood.

As I headed toward the sidewalk, I kept having to dodge young guys who were rushing down to where I'd come from. They were all really excited about taking the ride that I'd just taken. I felt like they kept getting in my way to stop me from moving, like they were afraid I'd get onto the ride before they did -- even though I was heading away from the ride, not toward it.

When I got up to the sidewalk, I saw that I'd need to turn a corner to the left, then cross a street and walk a couple blocks to get to the shopping district. There was a little vacant lot to my right, between me and the street. I decided to cut across that while I was heading toward the street.

But as I was cutting across this field a man and his girlfriend, maybe in their late twenties, came walking up from some other walkway. The guy spotted me and decided he was going to cut in front of me, to trip me up  in my walking. I kept walking in my own direction. But as the guy got closer to me and I could see that he was aiming to cut right in front of me, I sped up my walk and twisted my path a little. I crossed just in front of the guy. But even when I crossed in front of him, he threw out his legs and tried to trip me.

I passed the guy, and we both crossed the street, but we were heading in different directions. But now I could hear the guy talking to his girlfriend. The guy was telling his girlfriend about some criminal he either knew or admired as an historical figure. The guy liked the criminal because he was always looking for some occasion to be bad to other people. The guy was, apparently trying to take this for the model of his life.

I had the feeling that, even though I'd managed to stop this guy from cutting in front of me and tripping me up, he still felt like he'd won whatever game he'd played with me, just because he'd been able to engage in an activity where, at the very least, he'd had bad intentions.

***

UPDATE: A discussion of some of the images in these dreams can be found at this entry of my dreamday journal. 

annoying coffee guy; "man, don't try to fly"

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in some place like the lobby for a hotel or an apartment building. It was pretty spacious. It probably had red tile floors and white walls. It may have had an old Spanish Mission sort of feel to it.

I sat in a nice chair, maybe a green leather chair, before a long, kind of low coffee table. I sat near one of the ends of the table. Across the table, in another nice chair, sat an old, white man. He looked a little well-off, maybe a tiny bit heavy, with a dignified but irascible face.

The man had a wife who was very meek, at least for show. She handed the man some coffee and walked away. She may have said something to the man about staying calm. She may have sensed, like I did, that the man didn't like me being around, and that he was looking for a reason to annoy me or make me feel like leaving.

But for some reason the man hadn't found any opportunity to annoy me. We'd both finished our coffee. I'd been reading the newspaper. The man may have been reading the paper as well. I put down the paper. It was obvious to the man that I was getting ready to stand up and leave.

But as I was getting ready to stand up, the wife walked up again. She either brought or pointed out a little carton of creamer to the man. I looked down at the table, too. I don't think I saw any use in the creamer. Both the old man and I had finished our coffees.

I noticed that the table was littered with newspapers. There was barely enough open space on the table for the creamer. The carton may actually have been partly obscured by a page of newspaper.

But the man seemed to think that I did want the creamer. He suddenly lurched forward. The creamer carton had been opened. The man grabbed the carton. He folded the carton top closed, then decisively planted the carton back down. He then gave the carton top an imperative flick with his index finger. All of this was a way, I knew of annoying me by making me feel that the man owned the creamer and I had no right to it.

I was annoyed. I didn't need any creamer. I didn't even have any coffee left. But the man acting like he owned the creamer really ticked me off. I stood up calmly to leave. I really wanted to do something annoying back to the man. But I decided to ignore him.

But now the man stood up. He seemed to want to follow me out of the building. Now that he'd annoyed me once, he wanted to keep on annoying me.

I was walking toward a wall. Once I hit the wall, I'd walk left. Following the wall, I'd be led to a larger front lobby area and out of the building. The old man had walked in front of his chair and off to the right. But he quickly looped around and walked back in my direction. It was like he was trying to make a beeline for me, so he could cut me off in my path.

I could see the man out of the corner of my eye, approaching me as I walked toward the wall. I knew he was trying to cut me off. I got really mad. I was going to do something to the man.

Right as I approached the man, I hurried up, to get just a couple steps in front of him. I knew I was going to push him back as he made his attempt to cut me off. But what I ended up doing, actually, was grab him by the arms, lift him up, and shove him back a couple steps.

But as I was doing this, the man was talking to me. It was like he was trying to be friendly. I figured he was just trying to be friendly to me now because he wanted to make me second-guess myself, to make me think that maybe I was wrong, and that maybe he really wasn't trying to annoy me. The man looked different, too. He was smaller and skinnier, and he looked more cheerful.

I felt a little bad for not having listened to anything the man had said. I asked him to repeat what he'd said. He started talking about dinner, about some food like Salisbury steaks.

Something about this annoyed me, and I turned and walked quickly away from the man. I got the feeling the man was only mentioning dinner because he knew that would be his next opportunity for annoying me. He was trying to pry information out of me regarding what I liked about dinnertime. That way he could wreck it for me.

I walked into a bathroom along the wall. The bathroom was lit with drab, green-grey fluorescent lights. The bathroom felt a little too small, humid, and stale. The sinks were kind of boxy. They seemed to be made of some old, stale aluminum or stainless steel. There were two workers doing something like cleaning mops in two of the sinks off to my left.

I washed my hands in a free sink. I was hoping the man wouldn't follow me into the bathroom as well and try to annoy me here. The two workers may have been something like the salisbury steak for dinner as well.

Dream #2

I was out in a Main Street area in a small town, not unlike a little shopping area in my hometown, but with longer, wider streets. It was getting to be early evening. The sun had set, and the light was grey blue.

I was with my mom. My mom's mom had been with us. But now she was walking away. My mom told me something like, "Your grandma thinks you're going back to New York right away. She won't see you again if you don't talk to her right now. Go tell her you aren't going back for a few days."

I ran up to my grandma. She seemed to be getting attached to another group of people. But I managed to turn her around. I gave her a hug and told her that I'd actually be in town for a few more days, if she wanted me to spend time with her at some point. But she told me that she'd have too much to do over the next few days. She wouldn't be able to spend time with me.

I said goodbye to my grandma. I turned around and walked down the sidewalk. The sidewalk was mostly empty. On my right side was a nice, small, but massive building made of some kind of grey stone. I may have thought this building was a theatre building.

The staircase up to the front was massive and steep, even though it was kind of narrow and small. The staircase had some kind of black iron gate in front of it. And all the way up, the staircase was bounded by a tall, black iron fence.

For some reason, passing the left side of the staircase, I decided to turn around and hold onto the black railing of the fence. I grabbed onto a spot at a height where my feet would barely be touching the ground. I then began to use the fence railing as a bar for doing chin-ups.

The first time I wobbled up into a full chin-up, I held myself there and looked down the street as my grandma disappeared with the group of people she was now attached to.

It made me really depressed to think of my grandma going away like that. It made me kind of disappointed to think that maybe my grandma said she couldn't see me. I thought maybe she'd been disappointed in me. It made me want to do more chin-ups.

I suddenly realized, though, that I'd actually done a full chin-up. I had a hard enough time doing that, usually. I was surprised I'd done it without much thought at all. I started to wonder if I'd actually even done a chin-up.

So I let myself down, so I could pull myself up into another chin-up. I wobbled my chin up over the bar again. I let myself down and pulled myself up again, still not quite sure I'd actually done a legitimate chin-up.

But this time, as I wobbled my chin up over the bar, I looked down to the foot of the staircase. Two young, kind of bushy-haired, blonde men sat huddled together on the bottom steps. They were wearing clothes like old soldiers' uniforms from the Revolutionary War: something like dark blue jackets and tight, but thick, white slacks.

It struck me that these young men were something like European guards. They were guarding this building. This building seemed to be something important. Maybe it wasn't a theatre, like I'd thought it had been.

I let myself down and then wobbled myself back up into another full-chin up. Holding my head up over the bar I looked up to the top of the staircase. I saw that there were arched and ruffled fabric banners over the doorways to the building -- three of them, I think. The banners were red white and blue, but in a pattern that reminded me more of France than of America.

I suddenly realized that this building was something like the French Embassy. Sitting here doing chin-ups on the stair railing to the French Embassy was pretty disrespectful. So I let myself down and walked away from the staircase.

I walked through some interesting structure. It was like a short but wide staircase of red stone or red brick. The staircase had two wide balconies on either side. At the top of the staircase was a broad promenade. That ran to the left and the right. Across the way from the staircase was some kind of stone arch structure, and then a red walkway that seemed to span quite a ways. This was all under a grey-white sky.

I really wanted to explore this area. But at the top of the staircase a man sat, barring the way. He held some strange sort of guard's weapon. It was almost like a candelabra made of golden-tipped spears. But it was broad enough to block any movement past the top of the staircase.

But for some reason I thought this was easily surmountable. I would simply fly over the man's spears. I'd have to fly high enough that the man wouldn't detect me. And I'd have to land far enough away from the man that he wouldn't detect me. If he detected me, I knew, he'd fight me. And I probably couldn't beat him.

But I thought it would be easy enough to fly past the man. I lifted myself slowly up into the air. When I got level with the tips of the spears, I came closer to the spears. I noticed it would be a little harder than I'd thought to get over the spears. Coming out of the tips of the spears were lengths of twine. They seemed to be joining the spears to some structure overhead.

I flew up, following the lengths of twine. I figured if I could find the structure the twine was joined to, I could fly over that. Even if it was really high, I could fly over it. As far as I knew, my powers of flight didn't have any height limit.

But as I got higher and higher, I came to realize I wasn't outside at all. I was inside a massive, very tall building, something like the Rose Reading Room of the Schwartzmann branch of the NYPL, except three or four times the size and height. And the room almost had a holy feel to it, like a cathedral.

The lengths of twine, I saw, went all the way up to the ceiling. But, maybe ten or so meters from the ceiling, the vertical lengths of twined joined with a lattice of horizontal and vertical lengths of twine. This lattice of twine was so immense and intricate that I knew there was no way I could get beyond it.

But, looking forward, I saw places where there seemed to be open spots. From there I could, I thought, get up high enough to go past the twine lattice and over the detection system that was, apparently, all connected to the man's spear-candelabra.

But now the massiveness of the enormous room was making me really dizzy. I was starting to get afraid, too. I felt like if I flew any higher, I stood a chance, somehow, of easily falling to my death.

For a little bit, I kept trying to move forward. But I couldn't manage it. The room seemed to begin spinning. Everything seemed more massive than ever. The floor scared me because it was so far below me. The ceiling scared me because it seemed so looming and heavy.

I had to descend. I was descending slowly, too afraid that any quick descent would lead to a falling accident that would kill me. As I got closer and closer to the floor, all I could see were the sparkling-polished, red floor tiles. It was like I was focusing on the floor as a matter of life or death. I may have felt like I was going to throw up.

I could hear the man telling me, almost like an older brother tying to give advice, "Man, don't try to fly."

nefertiti's shadow; big screen youtube diaper girl; hot day boy

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in a car with my mom at night. We were driving along a very dark street and past a tall museum or library that stood in the center of a deep lawn. The museum, was tall, narrow, and octagonal, with a domed roof, somewhat like the Jefferson Memorial in Washington, D.C. The darkness of the surroundings and the light on the building gave me a visual sense of being in a grainy, black and white movie.

I knew that the famous bust of Queen Nefertiti was on display at this museum. I knew that somehow, even from this distance, one could get a glimpse of the bust, or at least a fragment of it, from over some wall.

I now saw something that appeared to be the edge of the statue. I pointed it out to my mom. What it ended up being, though, was something like a reflection and something like a shadow, cast up onto a ceiling or a high portion of a wall. It was like the top part of the outside wall was missing, revealing the tops of the inside walls of the room where the Nefertiti sculpture was located.

The reflection was like the reflection of the flat top of Nefertiti's headdress. It showed, in the oval shape of the flat top, something like the stamp of a cobra hieroglyph. Just to the right of this reflection was the shadow of the top half of Nefertiti's headdress. These images were very large against the ceiling.

My brother was now in the car. I was explaining something about all of this to him. I may have been telling him how this use of imagery was a teaser, to whet people's appetites, so they'd want to come into the museum to see the actual sculpture. We may soon afterwards have passed out of sight of the museum.

Dream #2

I was in bed in a kind of big room. On the wall beyond the foot of my bed was a giant flat screen TV. It took up almost half the wall. The room was dark, other than from the light it received from the TV screen. The TV seemed to be playing something off of YouTube.

But now the program had finished. A multi-screen screen appeared, like at the end of YouTube videos, where suggestions are listed, like little mini-screens, of what to watch next. But these mini-screens were all in something like lists, in rows and columns. Each row dealt with one specific video. The columns were different criteria regarding each video.

Apparently, all these videos were videos I had downloaded. I was getting a lot of criticism for my downloads. One column in particular dealt with dialogue, possibly ambient dialogue, in videos. In a number of my video downloads, it was claimed, I'd broken some ambient dialogue rule. The dialogue sounded real and natural. But people were claiming I'd scripted it all for recording, which was against the rules.

As far as I could tell, all the videos I'd downloaded had been from parties I'd gone to. All the thumbnail images were of dark, clublike settings, with pretty, drunk girls in view. I thought it should have been obvious that the dialogue in situations like that would be ambient, not scripted. So the claims against me had to be wrong.

And, at least for a few videos, the criticism against my downloads was a lot more specific. I actually felt like I could argue even more effectively against the more specific arguments. But the specifics were written so small in each cell that I couldn't read them from bed.

I stood up and walked to the screen. The screen was like a touchscreen, and even though the screen was so large and high up that I could only touch the bottom portion of it, I was managing to manipulate the imagery on the screen by touching the screen

I now realized that my downloads had actually been downloads of fetish videos. They all seemed to involve a preteen girl who wore diapers. I knew that this kind of stuff should probably have been kicked off of YouTube right from the start. But I was also excited and intrigued by the thumbnail images for the videos. I wanted to watch a video.

It was kind of a hassle to get access to a video -- but I can't remember why. But finally I got access to one of the videos. The girl in the video was on all fours, turned away from the screen. She kept on jiggling her bottom up and down really fast. It was supposed to be sexy or imitative of sex. But it struck me as silly and awkward.

I was now in some place that was possibly supposed to be a store. But it was more like a covered walkway in between two small buildings, like is sometimes seen in school or other multi-building institutional architecture, except with shelves like grocery store shelves in certain places. The sun was gentle and golden.

I was in between two rows of shelves. At least one set of shelves was filled with packs of diapers. The imagery on the diaper packs was mostly white and red. But there also appeared to be some rainbow lettering that made the packages seem more colorful than they really were.

Some man got my attention. I walked out from the shelves. The man was tall, a little chubby, possibly Hispanic, with dark, coppery skin. He wore a yellow t-shirt and had round, purple-lensed eyeglasses.

The man mentioned the videos I'd been watching. I knew it was no use trying not to sound interested in the videos. The man already knew I'd been aroused by them. So I simply asked the man how I could see more videos like that.

The man told me something that had to do with paying more attention to the packages of diapers I'd been looking at. The diapers themselves, or the sale of the diapers, was somehow linked to gaining more access to the videos.

The man walked away. I went back to look at the diapers. I may possibly have continued some kind of conversation in my head with the man.

Dream #3

I was in a car, possibly with my mother. We were probably driving through some parking lot at the edge of some kind of wide park or natural area.

There was some covered seating area, something like a bus stop, at the end of the parking lot. A few kids were hanging out around there.

I was in kind of a hurry to get home. I had some new access to some kind of fetish video -- probably diapered kids, like in the previous dream. I wanted to get home as soon as possible, so I could watch it.

But my mom saw the kids playing all around the shelter. She sped down to the shelter and swung-curved her car around to a stop near the shelter.

A little boy with light brown skin, really curly hair, and glasses ran up to the car. He looked kind of nerdy. But he also looked like a pain in the neck: a kid with kind of messy habits, no boundaries, and a tendency to do stupid things just because it annoyed people.

My mom had all the car doors open, so that the kid could get in if he wanted. My mom hadn't said anything straight out, but she was somehow indicating that she'd give the boy a ride home if he wanted it.

I didn't want to give the boy a ride home. I knew from experience that a ride home with him would be annoying as hell. But I also worried that the fetish material I was so excited about might be in the car right now. I didn't want to violate any kids by letting them see it.

At first it seemed like the boy didn't want a ride home, anyway. It seemed like he was going to try and be independent. The bus he was waiting for would arrive soon, anyway.

But suddenly the boy said, "But, man! Is it hot as heck outside today!" I knew this meant that the boy was going to want a ride home now.

I was somehow on the driver's side of the car, even though I may also still have been on the passenger side. The car was also really low to the ground, too.

The kid stood right next to me. I knew he was going to want to get in. I didn't want him to come in. But I knew he'd get in anyway. He'd already been given the invitation.

calling my niece a b---h

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was down in the basement of my family's house. I had just come down the steps. My mother had come ahead of me. She had headed into her bedroom. I was following my mom into her bedroom for something.

But my niece had been trying to get our attention as we'd been coming down the steps. She was being really annoying about it. I'd just been trying to ignore her. But now that we were heading down into my mom's room, my niece decided that she'd follow us.

I was really annoyed. My niece isn't allowed into the basement. She was disobeying rules just so she could come bug me and my mom. I yelled up to my niece not to come downstairs. But she'd run all the way down the stairs before I'd even finished what I'd said.

My niece was already heading past me and toward my mom's room. I had a crystal clear glass of water. I was going to splash some of the water on my niece, to shock her away and back upstairs, like someone might spray water at a cat. But I couldn't pour the water. For some reason my body was all locked up and dizzy and twisted around. I couldn't even move forward until my niece had gotten into my mom's bedroom.

I was so frustrated by what my niece had done that I muttered under my breath, "Ugh, you little bitch." As soon as I'd said it I felt bad. I never thought I'd call my niece a bitch. But, fortunately, I thought, since my niece was so far away from me, she probably wouldn't have heard me.

I walked through my mom's room. At the end of her room, on the right wall, was a doorway to a bathroom. My mom was getting whatever she had for me out of there. My niece had run in there as well.

Now I had to get my niece and take her back upstairs. I had calmed down a bit. Now I wanted to be nice to my niece, to show her I loved her. I picked her up out of some cluttered area near the doorway to the bathroom.

I turned around and carried my niece back out of my mom's room. My niece was still about the same age as she is IWL -- about four years old. But she was as small as a little doll. I bounced my niece up and down in a loving fashion, cooing a little song to her and being tender. But I was also holding her at arms length.

But now my niece began crying. She said, "I know you called me a bitch. Wait until I tell my mom... that you really hurt my feelings!"

I felt really bad. I hadn't thought my niece had heard me. I wouldn't have wanted her to hear me. But she did. And I felt even worse when I thought of how my sister would yell at me when she'd found out I'd called one of her kids a bad word.

hands off my smartphone

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in a McDonald's, probably during the late afternoon. The sunlight streaming in through the windows was a really intense, raspy yellow. I sat at one of the long booths against a wall. Nobody else was in the booth with me, all the way along the wall. But I probably felt like I was with other people, a group of people, maybe teenagers, who were kind of annoying to me, even though they may have liked me. I may have been trying to eat something chickeny or fishy, like a chicken strip or something.

I was now on a bus. But the bus' seating was almost like the seating for a large airplane. There were three rows of seats, at least. I sat near the back, near the right hand side of the bus. The atmosphere of the bus was grey, with grey seats that had reddish patterns on them. Whole TVs (I guess) were inset into molded fixtures that jutted down from the ceiling of the bus.

I was typing out a dream on my phone. The format for the blog I was posting onto was kind of weird. It looked like a form. There were a number of different, small blanks. I may have had to fill different parts of my dream into the different blanks.

I was remembering my dream as I wrote it down. I had been thinking of a dialogue I'd had in the dream with some woman. I'd mostly been writing the dialogue as a discussion of what we'd said, rather than the actual speech. But now I remembered that I had actually heard something the woman had said. So I decided to quote it.

I erased a part of the text that I'd entered into one of the small form-blanks. I tried to replace the text with the statement "Then she said, '". But I messed up somehow and entered a capital B, then the opening quotes. I tried to erase this and redo it. But I may have messed up again.

A kind of tall, fat, white man sitting to my left began grabbing at my phone. The man had a short, stubble-scraggly beard and kind of messy red-brown hair. He wore a black, leather jacket and small, rectangular lensed sunglasses. He said something like, "What are you doing there, writing a blog?" But he said it in a kind of mocking way. It was plain he just wanted to take my phone and screw around with it, just to mess with me.

I fumbled away from the man, almost dropping my phone. The man wouldn't stop coming at my phone, though. He reached at me and said stuff in a kind of mocking tone about how I wasn't any good at manipulating the format of the blog.

I got mad at the man and told him to leave me and my phone alone. The man wouldn't really listen to me. I was a little scared by the guy constantly reaching at me. This was stopping me from getting very loud. But the bus was full of people. I figured that if I could yell, I could attract the attention of other people, who might try to stop the man, or at least stare at him until he was too ashamed to continue bugging me.

So I managed to get my emotions together and haltingly shout out, as if I were addressing the other passengers more than the man, "Get your hands off my phone!"

Everybody looked back at me. They seemed to be more shocked that I had the audacity to shout on a crowded bus than they were that somebody would be lunging at my phone. But I was encouraged by having gotten their attention. So I continued yelling "at the man." I made my statement a little more of an offensive statement against the man this time. The only reaction it got from the other passengers, though, was a few chuckles.

The man kept coming at me. He really wanted to take my phone and mess around with it. He just kept grabbing and grabbing at me.

I stood up now, frustrated as hell. I wasn't counting on the other passengers to help me. But I yelled anyway, in hopes that they would help me. But again my shout was violent: "If you don't stop grabbing at me, I'm gonna give you a black eye!"

The crowd all laughed loudly now. It was like they actually approved of everything the man was doing to me. I really wanted to hit the man. But I didn't know if I could hurt him. And if I did hurt him, I thought, everybody on the bus would just turn against me and blame me for being violent.

I sat back down. But as soon as I did, the man started grabbing at me again. Finally, an Asian man sitting across the aisle from the man grabbed the man and shook him by his left shoulder. The Asian man was kind of clean-cut, possibly wearing business clothes. He was apparently the fat man's friend. But while shaking the man, he shouted in an annoyed voice, "Come on man, stop it! I told you already. It's twenty!"