mom's hospital arrangements

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was at a hospital or nursing home or rehab center to visit my mother. I may have been there with some other family members. My mom was probably getting moved to some other section of the place. She may have been in the middle of the move, so we couldn't see her.

I went out of the building I'd been in, which was the building my mother had originally been staying in, to find out where my mother would go next. I may have heard, or even received a paper saying, that some other building had information on where my mom would be next.

The outside area was a big, sunny, but kind of dry lawn. There were a few small buildings dotting the edges of the lawn. A lot of people seemed to be out here.

I was reading that there were four different buildings. Each building had something to do with a nationality -- either they spoke that language or helped people from that region or something. The four buildings were Chinese, Japanese, North Korean, and South Korean.

I knew there were language differences between each building. The slip of paper I read illustrated this fact by showing a common word in each of the four languages. I couldn't figure how the North Korean and South Korean languages differed. But I figured I wouldn't ask or bring up the point with anybody. I didn't want to insult anyone.

I may have determined that I had to go to the Chinese building, or else I may have determined that my mom would be in the Chinese building, but that I needed to go to some general administrative building to confirm that.

I was now in a small, kind of rundown hallway of a building. The walls were white but dirty. The place felt a little scary. About halfway down the hallway I saw a nurse and one other hospital worker turning up the hallway from a corridor off to the left.

The nurse seemed to be blind. Her eyes were totally white. I made some kind of singing noise as I passed the nurse, to alert her to my presence. I wondered, as I passed the nurse, how she got by so well as a nurse when she was completely blind. I might have figured that that was a dumb thought, considering how well blind people get along in life in general.

I was now "at home," which may possibly have been where my whole family lived. I somehow knew that my mom was coming back home from the hospital/nursing home. This was kind of a surprise for me, as I'd thought she'd need a bit more time to rest and heal. But now she came walking through the door.

I may have been in the kitchen. My mom may have said that she needed me to help her get some of her things in order. I knew my mom had a bunch of movies in her room. I thought I could arrange her movies. I liked doing that, and, I now remembered, I'd actually arranged movies for my brother in a really neat, orderly way.

My mom's bedroom was right next to the kitchen. I stood in the hallway, often looking into both doorways at once. My mom knelt before her bed. Her bedroom was extremely cluttered. My mom pulled out a clear plastic bin of movies. She explained that the movies were to be arranged for my little niece.

We started arranging the movies. The boxes were like a hybrid of DVD cases and videocassette cases. The setup was different from the setup presented in my brother's collection, so I had to think of a different way of arranging things. I imagined arranging the movies in rows that would run the width of the plastic bin.

the sixth child; adult baby and the fetish church

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

It was night. I was out in some place like an empty dirt lot, like a parking lot for a desert fairgrounds. But something about it also felt like it was indoors, like we were in a living room or a waiting room with a lot of couches.

I was with a group of kids. They may have been young children, or they may have been teenagers with the mentality of young children. We had all finished up with some kind of project. Now we were headed away.

But for some reason we all stopped. I felt like our having stopped would probably lead to some of the kids getting impatient. We'd all gotten through our task well. I, as the leader or organizer of this event, didn't want to have people get impatient and start having bad memories about our task. But I also felt like one of the kids might probably start feeling bad, thinking it had been his fault that we had stopped.

I turned around to find the boy I thought might feel bad. The light all around us was now dim green and blue, like dim lights, like fluorescent lights from over building doors, were shining from somewhere nearby.

The boy stood bathed in the light. He was doing some weird move with his face, where he was kind of juggling his eyeglasses on his face, kind of balancing them on his nose. I now understood that we'd all stopped because some of the other boys had noticed this boy doing this trick. The boys had wanted to point out, possibly to me, if not simply just to point out in general, that the boy had this talent.

But for some reason I felt bad about the boy performing like this. I felt like maybe the boy was performing only to make me less impatient, like I'd acted frustrated because we'd stopped and I personally had needed something to divert me from my frustration.

But now the other boys were showing their talents. All the boys' talents were similar to the first boy's talents. The boys were all juggling or swinging or swirling things about. One boy had some black glop he was juggling around on his face. Another boy had a thin, multicolored, neon string that he swung around.

One of the boys pointed out something like the fact that everybody has a talent, and that times like this, waiting times, when motion has stopped, are great times to practice talents. But something still made me feel like these talents were all being shown to me as a way of keeping me personally from getting impatient while our movement was stopped.

Now we were by a building, or at least by a tall, wide wall. Green fluorescent lamps hung from the wall. My brother-in-law sat with his back against the wall. My view of him was obstructed by some of the boys, who were running around, practicing their talents almost as if they were part of some dance or religious ceremony.

My brother-in-law was talking about his kids' homework. He then jokingly asked if I thought he should be extra diligent with making sure ----- got her homework done. I didn't quite catch what my brother-in-law said, and I only half-responded to it.

My brother-in-law saw that I didn't get his joke. He seemed a little ashamed that I hadn't gotten it. He might have thought I was angry with what he'd said, or he might have thought I hadn't cared enough to listen to what he'd said.

But now the spaced between us was clearing out. I could see my brother-in-law clearly. I thought he'd tell the joking comment again. But he didn't: he just explained who the subject of the joke was. The subject was a little girl, just a baby, and my sister's and brother-in-law's youngest child. My brother-in-law was, in fact, holding the little baby in a swaddling blanket in his arms.

I now saw the joke. The baby obviously didn't have any homework. My brother-in-law had just joked that, while he was being so diligent with all the other kids, he might go overboard and even make the little baby do homework as well.

But I was still a little confused. I didn't know where this little baby, which would have been my sister's and brother-in-law's sixth child, had come from. I definitely couldn't remember the baby girl's name.

Dream #2

I was in a car, going down the road at night. I may have been driving the car, but I may have been in the passenger's seat. I was riding along a rut in the right side of the road, constantly almost veering off the road and onto a shoulder of brown-red, desert soil.

I either knew about or was having a conversation (either in my head or with someone -- my mom? -- who sat in the driver's seat) about a church that accepted gay people. The church may actually have had the phrase "Gay Church" in its name.

I started thinking about this Gay Church. It occurred to me that the church wasn't just for gay people. It was a church, a Christian church, that actually celebrated all kinds of alternative sexualities. I had the feeling that it was actually a fetish church rather than a gay church.

I began visualizing the sanctuary of a church my family had attended when I was nine or ten years old. The sanctuary was huge. I visualized all kinds of people dressed up to represent their various fetishes. Some people were dressed normally. But other people were in things like full-body-and-head latex suits, and other people were on leashes.

I thought how it might be fun for me to go to church as an adult baby. I could dress up as a baby and wear a diaper. Maybe I could even be pushed into the church by my Mommy (whoever that would be...) and suck on a pacifier.

But I kind of got turned off by the idea. I wondered if I wouldn't just look stupid. Something about the clothes I visualized myself wearing looked girlish, but clunky, boyish, and cheap -- stupid and shameful. I didn't want to dress up as a baby if that was the best I could do!

I also worried about who would push me in. If a boy had to be my AB parent, I didn't want to do it.

I also worried about what other people would think of me. Even though the church accepted all kinds of fetish, maybe people just looked down on adult babies and thought they were gross. If so, I didn't want to go in and be seen that way by people.

But it now seemed to me that I didn't have much choice. I may have been getting driven to the church right now. I may also have been dressed up as a baby, ready to get pushed into the church of fetish. I may no longer have been driving the car. I may have been in a car seat, sucking on a pacifier, while my AB Mommy or Daddy was driving the car.

radiation suits; lost and found and niece

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was out in some suburban neighborhood during the day. My view was really low, as if I were kneeling or seeing from a child's point of view. A group of men stood over me. They were all dressed in cream-white, plastic or latex outfits that went over their whole bodies, including their heads, kind of like radiation suits. The faces seemed to have green, plastic rings where the mouths would be. The rest of the headpieces kind of wrinkled around the heads. The men may all have been heading to one specific house.

Dream #2

I was probably at work, in the back area of some store. The store actually seemed to have two back areas. One was a stocking area for products that would be pulled and given directly to the customers. Then there was an area behind that. At first I was in the area behind this stocking area. I'm not sure what the area was or what I was doing there.

I may have heard an old woman, who worked as a customer clerk in the front area, speaking to a young woman about a lost item, which the older woman had in the stocking area. The older woman gave the young woman the lost item. But the young woman was still in the stocking area.

I now realized that the older woman still had two lost items. They were both with her up in the front area. I thought these items might have belonged to the young woman. So I walked into the stocking area and found the young woman.

As we stood looking at the thin, backless shelves, I told the woman, "That older woman has two more missing items up in the front area with her. They're both bags. I didn't know if you were missing two bags. But I thought I might let you know, just in case you were missing them and the old woman had let you think she'd given you everything she had."

The young woman didn't respond. I thought that maybe the bags weren't the young woman's. Now the older woman walked back into the stocking area to get some sales items. She somehow made it known to me that she knew I was telling the young woman about the other missing items. My actions obviously meant I was second-guessing the older woman's actions. This could, I knew, make the older woman angry with me. And since the older woman held a senior position to me in this company, it also meant she could fire me.

I left the store, possibly obeying some command the older woman had given me. I was now out in a huge parking lot. My family was there. Either I was or they were getting into a car to drive away. My little niece ran up to me to give me a hug goodbye. I knelt down and hugged her.

As we hugged, my niece told me something about how she was being taken away to some place that she didn't like. It seemed like members of my family were taking my niece away to this place because they didn't like her or want her to develop as a person. I wished I could stop my niece from being taken away. But I didn't know how.

seduced by my psychiatrist?

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in a hospital. Possibly whatever I had been there for was all taken care of. But I don't know whether I was trying to leave. It seems to me now like I was going up and down in an elevator. I was confused somehow about where I was going on the elevator. Someone else may also have gotten on the elevator and made the elevator go in a different direction from the one I wanted.

Eventually I was outside the hospital. I got into a car with my family. It was a black night. Now it may have been like both my mom and I had been in the hospital. We had somehow brought toys from the hospital for my nephews and niece.

My niece pointed out something wrong with her toy. Her toy was some kind of male action figure. The problem with the toy may have been something in the packaging, like there was a hole or tear in the clear plastic around the action figure. My niece pointed this out to me as if to imply that by giving her a toy with this kind of fault, I was showing that I didn't care about her.

I felt bad that my niece felt this way. I believe my niece (who is only four years old) told me that if I wanted to fix things, I should go to my psychiatrist. My niece may also have told me that there was something going on in my psychiatrist's life that my psychiatrist really wanted to tell me about. My psychiatrist may even have asked my niece to tell me to come see her.

So I went to my psychiatrist's house. My psychiatrist opened the door. She was in a white nightgown. She hadn't expected to see me here, since I hadn't made an appointment or anything. But she let me into the house. She led me through a lit living room, through a room like a study, which was unlit, and into a room I thought at first was a visiting room, but which was actually a bedroom. The room was almost totally dark.

I could hear a football game blaring in the living room. I thought my psychiatrist had been watching the game. I told her that I was sorry I was interrupting the game. I said I didn't need to see her right now, if she'd rather see the game. I was just told to come over here, so I did so as soon as possible.

My psychiatrist said it was no problem, that she was actually glad I'd come. I could tell she really wanted to tell me something, but I couldn't guess what. Part of me thought that she really wanted me here because she wanted to have sex with me.

My psychiatrist said she'd turn on the lights so that we could see each other in her visiting room. She flicked a light switch on. No lights came on. The room was still dark. But my psychiatrist and I were both satisfied, as if the lights had come on.

I could see that my psychiatrist was wearing a protective paper or cloth mask over her mouth and nose. This kind of scared me. I realized that maybe what my psychiatrist wanted to tell me was that she had some kind of really bad illness. My psychiatrist's nightgown, I noticed, was also very sheer. My psychiatrist was wearing white panties, which I could see very plainly. I was really turned on, and I began to hope that my psychiatrist actually did want to have sex with me.

My psychiatrist sat on her bed, with her back propped up against the headboard and her legs stretched out on the mattress. She said she'd been in the hospital all day today. It seemed to me she was feeling pretty depressed. I wasn't really interested about talking about my own problems anymore. I really felt bad for coming to talk about them now, while my psychiatrist was in such bad condition. All I wanted to do was make sure she was okay.

My psychiatrist, though, seemed reluctant to give any details about her own condition. It seemed like she had asked me to talk about myself, like she was really trying to carry on a session between her and me. But she was also still talking about her condition, or at least making her own anguish known through her body language.

She now flopped down and rolled over on the bed, so that she was face down on the bed, laying sideways across the mattress, instead of with her head at the headboard and her feet at the baseboard. For some reason, I took this as another indication that my psychiatrist wanted to have sex with me. I thought I should get on top of her while she was in this position.

my own private quilp; searching for a presentation

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in the living room of an apartment. But it was also like I was in a doctor's office. The office was my mother's office, as if my mom were a Doctor.

Somebody buzzed into our apartment from outside of the apartment building. I knew it was an annoying, little man. He had an appointment with the Doctor. But I also knew that he always came here, and that every time he came here, he came up with a new reason to complain about the service he received from the receptionist.

Today I was acting as receptionist, even though I usually didn't even have a role within the office. Acting as the receptionist, I got really afraid of what the man might do this time. I tried to have everything arranged so that the man would have absolutely nothing to complain about. And the first thing I'd do would be to buzz the man into the apartment and open the door for him as promptly as possible.

I was sitting on the floor. I had to stand up and press a button near the front door. I quickly did so. But as soon as I pressed the button to let the man into the apartment building, the man bashed in the door of the actual apartment! He was only about waist-high to me. He was bald, with a wide, misshapen head and huge eyes. He was dressed in a nice business casual shirt and khaki slacks.

The man looked angrily at me. But I could tell he was really getting enjoyment out of the whole situation. I knew he had been waiting right at the door, hoping I'd think he was downstairs, just so he could surprise me by being upstairs. I felt completely out of control of the situation. I felt totally defenseless against the man. And he loved it.

Dream #2

I was at some event, probably with one of my family members, maybe my mom or my sister. The event was being held in a large building, something like a modern church, with a lot of hallways and stairways leading to a few major (but not very big) lobbies and auditoriums.

I and the person I was with had something to do with the event, either the running or the organizing of it. But the turnout for the event was kind of disappointing. We walked up a stairway and into a lobby area where a white man with copper-tan skin and red-blonde hair was giving a presentation to a scattered, but kind of densely packed, group of people. The presentation was being given just outside an auditorium that had doors like the doors to a sanctuary.

I and the other person may have understood that we had something to do with the presentation, or with a presentation somewhere. We may have gone in search of something to do with whatever presentation we had something to do with. We wandered through a number of hallways, and maybe even a couple of small rooms, like Sunday school rooms, which may also have had a decent number of people in them.

We ended up in a lobby-like area, one wall of which curved out, like bay windows, with a wall of windows. The curving-out space was bounded on the opposite side (forming an ellipse or football shape) by a series of green, carpeted steps which could also serve as seats, so that this area was like a mini-auditorium with the window walls as a backdrop.

A presentation was going to begin here in just a few moments. But now I saw, outside the building, my nephews and niece walking down onto a series of concrete seat-steps that mirrored the seat-steps inside the building. There was a show about to begin outside as well. But before the show began, some person was down on the "stage," showing off two or three of his dogs.

I wanted my nephews and niece to see me, so I stealthily crawled up to the window-wall, hiding behind one of the dogs outside the window. I then popped my head up from behind the dog just in time for my nephews and niece to see me. Only one or two of them saw me. They screamed, "Preemie!" They may even have tried coming up to the window.

The show outside was now beginning. A Pastor-like man was beginning to speak. I didn't really want my nephews or niece to see me now, now that the presentation was starting. But it was right at this moment that all my nephews and niece saw me. They all screamed, "Preemie!" They ran toward the window. I felt really bad. I hadn't consciously wanted to cause a disruption. And I was kind of embarrassed by what was going on. But I also kind of liked the fact that my nephews and niece wanted to give me so much attention.

attacking mom; foxes and wolves

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in a huge room, like the Rose Main Reading Room of the New York Public Library, with my family. The section of the room we were in was all cluttered with blankets. Either I or my mom was holding up my little niece.

Suddenly, my mom decided to spray me directly in the face with perfume. The perfume had a purple kind of smell. I was angry that my mom had sprayed my face. I can't stand anything getting in my face. So I ducked. I cursed at my mom. My mom said she couldn't see why I was getting so upset over it. Besides, my mom said, my niece had a medical condition where she needed to be sprayed in the face. So my mom would spray whenever she felt like it. My mom sprayed me again.

My mom was now running away, with a small group of people, maybe family members, or maybe some of her friends. I began running really quickly after my mom. I finally caught up with her and grabbed her around her neck. I shook my mom by the neck a few times. I then stopped and walked away. I knew that what I had done just then had injured my mom enough so that she would die soon. But now that I knew I had injured my mom to the point where she would die, I felt terribly guilty.

Dream #2

I was standing out at the back end of the back yard of the house my family lived in while I was in high school. I stood up on some deck-like structure built just beside the garage. The deck was bounded by a chain link fence which went up to about my sternum.

I saw a huge "fox" stalking through our backyard. It then jumped over the fence and onto the deck. I was afraid it was going to kill and eat me. But it just kind of snuggled with me for a second. It then walked down the steps of the deck behind me and walked into a forest-like area. I was surprised that the fox had been so gentle.

I now saw another animal, though, stalking up out of the woods, from where the fox had been. I told myself the animal was a cheetah (though the animal was kind of fat for a cheetah). I was certain it could smell the fox on me. I thought the cheetah would be mad to smell the fox on me. The cheetah was "my type" of animal. So by letting the fox put its scent on me, I was betraying the cheetah.

But the cheetah disappeared, and now a huge wolf (which I may have called a coyote) stalked up from the woods. The wolf had fur as brown as a buffalo's. I could tell the animal was angry at the fox, though I'm not sure the anger had anything to do with me. The way was coming my way, not to attack me, but to jump over the fence and into the backyard. The wolf would fight the fox in the backyard.

I turned to look at the backyard. I could see the fox back there. The grass was really tall, and the fox was crouching down into the grass, hiding itself so it could attack the wolf by surprise. The wolf jumped over the fence. It suddenly occurred to me that the fox wasn't very well hidden. The grass didn't seem so tall, after all.

But now I saw a second fox hiding in the grass. The wolf was in the center of the two foxes, with something like a wild turkey hanging dead in its jaws. I knew the poorly hidden fox, on the wolf's left, was a decoy. The wolf would attack that fox, and the second fox would come up from behind and attack the wolf. But for some reason I didn't know whether that would work. The wolf seemed way too strong to beat.

Now there was a second wolf. And now it seemed to me that the wolves and foxes were evenly matched, and that there would be a fair fight. The fight must have begun. But time passed, and it was now dark outside. I had been behind some wall this entire time. I now looked around the wall. I knew the fight was over. I figured I could tell who'd won by seeing what bodies were left in the yard. I feared that all four bodies would be found lying in the yard.

But I couldn't see the yard. It was too dark. So I switched on a light switch, like for a ceiling light. It may have been daytime. My mom walked down into the yard from the house. I told my mom, somewhat astonished, that there had been a fight between wolves and foxes here just over the past evening. My mom said, "What? You think that's a big deal? I've seen stuff like that before. It's nothing new. It's just a part of nature."

where i lived; naked in public; movie theater backpack; bon voyage, family

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in a small room, like the concession stand of a movie theater, but in its own little room. There were a lot of mirrors in the room, and the room had a mostly blue color scheme, with strings of clear incandescent lights flashing everywhere.

I was sitting up on one of the counters, talking with somebody else in the room, probably a young woman. The woman was asking me about my old careers. She asked me something about the work I did in New York for Americorps. She asked me something like, "Didn't they really respect you and look up to you there?"

I replied something about how it definitely seemed that I was looked at as one of the best performers in the programs I worked in, but how, when it came to living situations, I still got stratified out. I said how, when it came to living situations, the whites went with the whites, the browns went with the browns, and the blacks went with the blacks.

"Except me," I said. "For some reason, when I lived in New York, I mostly lived in West Indian neighborhoods."

A man now came walking in through the door. He was a young, good looking business man. He was blonde and tan with blue eyes. He wore a business suit with a tan or pea-colored trench coat over it. He said he'd heard what I'd been speaking about. He wondered if I could come somewhere with him and speak with him a little bit more.

Dream #2

I was out with my sister in some residential neighborhood. My sister was leaving me here to take care of something. But I may have been set to meet her somewhere else later on.

My first task, apparently, was to take a shower. So I walked a couple blocks down the road, to a big, classical looking fountain that just stood in the middle of the street, and took a shower.

When I got out of the shower, I put on an orange t-shirt. I started walking along the road, when two teenage girls standing in a front yard began laughing at me. I looked down to see that I wasn't wearing any pants or underwear -- just my t-shirt!

I knew I had brought some clothes with me when I'd left my sister. They were probably in a backpack. But where had I put that backpack? I thought I'd brought it with me when I'd walked over to the shower. But maybe I'd left it at the point where my sister and I had split ways.

I tried running back to that point. But I couldn't remember exactly where it was. The neighborhood now looked different, too. The houses were all small and cheap, and the yards were barren and full of garbage. I looked to my left down one block to see a couple of guys moving some stuff out of a house. The whole block seemed to be full of cellophane and packing foam.

I may have begun to think that my sister was getting revenge on me for something by having taken my backpack back home with her. Maybe she thought I'd done something perverted to her. So now she was making me feel perverted by leaving me out on the street with no clothes.

But I finally found the block where I thought I'd departed from my sister. I was certain I could find the yard my sister and I had been standing in, and that the backpack would be right there. But there were two old men standing out and talking in one of the yards. I had to sneak past them. I knew if they saw me in this neighborhood they'd think I was a thief.

Dream #3

I walked into a movie theater. The theater was big, and I was the only one in there so far. I had a backpack with me. I sat it down on the left side of the center aisle, a few rows forward from the back row.

I then felt like I needed to leave the theater for a moment. So I left the theater. But standing out in the hallway, I realized I'd left my backpack. I needed to go grab it. I couldn't let it sit in there. Somebody would steal it.

So I ran back into the theater to grab the backpack. But now I couldn't find it. I couldn't remember exactly what row I'd been sitting in. I went through a number of the rows, but I couldn't find the right row. Now a few more people were filtering into the theater. I told myself that it was odd I'd chosen a back row, anyway. Usually I choose a front row.

Dream #4

I was on a thin, wooden platform with my two oldest nephews. The platform was suspended over some kind of dirty body of water. The platform was long. But something about it felt very uncertain, and it was hard for my nephews to stay on it.

My second oldest nephew actually fell off the platform. But I managed to grab hold of him as he fell off. He was now just hanging by my hands. Then my oldest nephew fell off the platform. Somehow both of my nephews were holding onto me. I had slipped off the platform, too, and was just holding on by one hand.

We were now all three in the water. Now it was like it had just been a game. But I was really upset. I was yelling at my second oldest nephew, telling him that if he'd just paid attention to something and done it the way I'd told him to, that we wouldn't have had any problems staying up on the platform.

Now we were involved in some kind of speed-swimming game. Our bodies sped through the water, as if we were boats, or as if we were actually gliding just above the surface of the water. We had to swim through a big body of water, then through a smaller, adjoining body of water, and finally into a small pool of water. The small pool of water was divided, by muddy walls, into two sections. Then we had to turn back and return to the starting point in the big body of water. This whole circuit somehow described a figure eight.

I went through once by myself and managed to get some time like eighteen seconds. I next went through with my oldest nephew. It now appeared that in the two small pools of water there were fish-like zombie creatures. My oldest nephew somehow got injured by one and had to go to the doctor.

I went through the circuit again with my second oldest nephew. We got to the small pools as well. But as my nephew was coming out of the second small pool, he got stabbed in the left arm by one of the zombie fish. He showed me the stab wound. It looked like it had been made by a straight, tubular device, almost like an old TV antenna.

My nephew was wearing a white t-shirt, which now had pinkish lines of blood flowing down it. My nephew was worried. He knew that once you got injured by a zombie, you were most likely going to become a zombie.

My nephew was now gone, most likely getting medical help. I now floated around in the second body of water, looking back toward the small pools of water. I knew that there were zombies in every part of these waters. They could attack you anywhere. But they seemed to be really nasty in the small pools. And, even though this was just a game, if a zombie attacked you, you could really die or become a zombie.

I now had a vision like a high-score screen on an arcade wildlife shooting game. I heard some guys talking in the background, not like they were talking, but like they'd typed out comments on some online forum, and now they were being read back to me, in narration, in the guys' voices.

One guy said he had given up on the game because it was truly impossible, and that the game was just made to cheat people. Another guy said he'd also given up on the game. But he was trying to point out some secret tips that are given to you in the game.

The main tip had to do with the color scheme of some segmented pattern that surrounded some words at the top of the high-score screen. The guy said that if you look at how each color is distributed through the segments, you'll have a good idea of how many of each kind of zombie there are in the game.

I now turned around and looked over my left shoulder. Beyond a window, I saw my little niece playing around in a set of trees in a small garden. I realized that I was at some sports center. I had been here with my family, playing in the pool. Everybody else had gone to take a shower. But I was still in the pool, for some reason.

My family was all getting ready to leave. My niece and her older brothers were playing around in the little garden while waiting for my mom, and possibly my sister and brother-in-law, to come outside. But my niece, now seeing my mom and getting the idea that the family was going to leave without me, asked them to wait for me.

I didn't know whether my family would wait. But I got out of the pool and headed out of the sports center without even taking a shower. I may have seen my niece for a second. But now it was like everybody was gone. My family had to go on some big cruise, so they headed out to some big cruise ship. My niece had wanted my mom to wait so she could say goodbye to me before heading on the cruise. My mom had decided that they would wait for me near the cruise ship. I could say goodbye there.

I got to the cruise ship. There was a big rope-maze line leading up to the cruise ship. I may have seen my family for a second as they were working there way through the line. But the line was virtually empty, and my family must have gotten through it rather quickly.

I now stood before the ship with my grandmother, my mom's mom. We looked up to the deck of the ship, which was far above us, trying to spot my family. I may have said something to my grandma about not having been able to see my family and say goodbye. My grandma may have replied, but I can't remember what she said.

But now I was up in some cruise ship. I was in a gigantic room that looked kind of like a library. But the room was full of tables that stood rather high, maybe about shoulder level for me. The seats for the tables were also rather tall. The tables and seats were arranged today to face one end of the room, which felt like the back end of the room, even though the entrance door was on the same wall. Every seat was probably filled for the event taking place. I sat near the front row, on the left side.

Jennifer Lopez walked into the room. She may have had a new movie coming out, so she was going to give an interview to everybody in this room. But she said she only had a limited amount of time. She could only take nine questions.

She took the first question from somebody in one of the farther back rows. The guy's question was really long-winded. It was basically asking why Jennifer Lopez could only take nine questions. But it was working all kinds of weird symbolism into the question, involving the numbers three and six. Eventually Lopez just got annoyed and asked the guy to ask his question directly. The guy asked why Lopez could only take nine questions. Lopez gave an answer I can't remember.

Then Lopez walked right up to my table and playfully slammed on it, saying, "Okay. Now, you! I want to hear a question from you!"

I was kind of shocked. I didn't really know much about Jennifer Lopez. I'd just come here because I thought it would be interesting to see the event. But if Lopez wanted me to ask a question, I figured I'd better do so. I thought hard about it for a second. I remembered I'd just seen a movie with Lopez in it, and that it had had a scene that had made me kind of curious.

I asked Lopez, "You know, in that cartoon movie you just did a voice for, there's a scene where you're a little girl, and you're on a ship, getting ready to say goodbye to a little boy who you had a crush on, but who's now leaving on the ship. And I was just wondering, is that from real life? Cause it seemed like a really personal scene. And if it was from real life, could you tell us anything about that boy?"

Lopez was back up in her own seat at the front of the room, possibly flanked by a couple of guys who looked like bodyguards. She laughed and said something like, "Oh, I knew you would ask a question like that! Yes, the scene is from real life. And yes, I did like that boy. We were from the same neighborhood. And we never saw each other again."

Lopez went on to the next question, like she had given a sufficient answer to my question. I could tell she was glossing over a lot of the more personal issues I thought would have been interesting to hear. I think the details may have been a little embarrassing to her. I figured I wouldn't push the issue, and I'd just leave my question at that.

calling my niece a b---h

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was down in the basement of my family's house. I had just come down the steps. My mother had come ahead of me. She had headed into her bedroom. I was following my mom into her bedroom for something.

But my niece had been trying to get our attention as we'd been coming down the steps. She was being really annoying about it. I'd just been trying to ignore her. But now that we were heading down into my mom's room, my niece decided that she'd follow us.

I was really annoyed. My niece isn't allowed into the basement. She was disobeying rules just so she could come bug me and my mom. I yelled up to my niece not to come downstairs. But she'd run all the way down the stairs before I'd even finished what I'd said.

My niece was already heading past me and toward my mom's room. I had a crystal clear glass of water. I was going to splash some of the water on my niece, to shock her away and back upstairs, like someone might spray water at a cat. But I couldn't pour the water. For some reason my body was all locked up and dizzy and twisted around. I couldn't even move forward until my niece had gotten into my mom's bedroom.

I was so frustrated by what my niece had done that I muttered under my breath, "Ugh, you little bitch." As soon as I'd said it I felt bad. I never thought I'd call my niece a bitch. But, fortunately, I thought, since my niece was so far away from me, she probably wouldn't have heard me.

I walked through my mom's room. At the end of her room, on the right wall, was a doorway to a bathroom. My mom was getting whatever she had for me out of there. My niece had run in there as well.

Now I had to get my niece and take her back upstairs. I had calmed down a bit. Now I wanted to be nice to my niece, to show her I loved her. I picked her up out of some cluttered area near the doorway to the bathroom.

I turned around and carried my niece back out of my mom's room. My niece was still about the same age as she is IWL -- about four years old. But she was as small as a little doll. I bounced my niece up and down in a loving fashion, cooing a little song to her and being tender. But I was also holding her at arms length.

But now my niece began crying. She said, "I know you called me a bitch. Wait until I tell my mom... that you really hurt my feelings!"

I felt really bad. I hadn't thought my niece had heard me. I wouldn't have wanted her to hear me. But she did. And I felt even worse when I thought of how my sister would yell at me when she'd found out I'd called one of her kids a bad word.

jim marrs -- sections l and m; cranberry juice; tarantino's conspiracy theory

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in a basement room, reading a book from the light of a window. The window was kind of small and high up on the wall. The light it let in was dim.

The book I was reading was by conspiracy theorist Jim Marrs. I had finished the main part of the book. I was now leafing through the appendix. The pages of the appendix were all glossy and black, with white lettering. There were pictures of outer space and the earth on almost every page. But the earth didn't look like the earth, but more like a foamy, blue ball with landforms represented on it.

I had flipped to section L of the appendix. Marrs had written that he was writing some new information in response to requests by some of his readers. He wrote that section L of the appendix had been meant for this originally, but that Marrs hadn't finished what he'd been writing for section L had never been completed. Marrs would now include all the new information in section M, which was, apparently, more like a polished essay.

I flipped to section M. The first thing Marrs was talking about was some piece of land in China. Marrs wondered why China had bought this piece of land. Why, Marrs wondered, did China make such a big deal about needing this land? But then, Marrs pointed out, China sold this land, first to the Germans, and then to the Federal Reserve.

This was all apparently some big scheme for globalization. The illustrations first showed the corner of the globe with China on it, with some kind of yellowy spotlight on the land bought. Another illustration showed some round view of the earth with three landforms, thin, kind of crescent shaped, seeming to be jittering together like matter inside a cell. There may have been one more distant picture of the earth.

Dream #2

I was in a dark house. I was in the kitchen. I was myself, but I may have been a bit younger than I am IWL. The house was an apartment. But it was a really big apartment, and multi-storied.

The husband and wife who owned the apartment had had me over for the night. There may have been a girl there, as well. At some point in the night, I remembered, the husband and wife had asked me if I wanted anything to drink. I told them if they had cranberry juice, I'd like some, but if they didn't, it wasn't any worry.

The husband and wife had then told me to wait before I said something was no worry. They had called down to somebody, who quickly ran out and bought a jug of cranberry juice. The husband and wife told me I could eat anything that was in the house, and that when something I wanted wasn't in the house, I could get it ordered.

I was now in the kitchen, in the dark, looking for the cranberry juice. I fumbled around on the kitchen counters and in a few of the above-counter cupboards. I then headed toward the middle of the kitchen. On either side of the kitchen were doorways out into rooms. I could see that the space on my right had a large living area with a staircase to the upper floor. The area to my left probably ran through a number of bedrooms.

I could almost hear the girl, husband, and wife laughing at me now. I felt like they were wondering why I was so greedy. Why did I want to get more cranberry juice than I'd been given? I felt like some kind of glutton now. But I couldn't resist it.

Finally I realized that the cranberry juice would be in the fridge. I opened the door of the fridge. Inside was a transparent plastic jug, shaped like a Minute Maid jug, of cranberry juice. The jug was half full. I grabbed it to pull it out of the fridge.

Dream #3

I was in a living room with my mom, sister, nephews, and niece. The living room was really big, but barren. The floors were wooden. Plenty of pale white-gold light flowed in through the windows.

For some reason we were all laying on the floor, under blankets or sleeping bags. We each had our own little space, but we were still kind of gathered together near the front, left corner of the room.

I had been emotionally cold, even mean, to my nephews and niece lately. So now I felt the need to make up for it. I stood up and went to one of my nephews, maybe my second oldest nephew. I spoke with him a little bit. Then I spoke with my niece a little bit. They both stayed laying under their blankets while I spoke with them.

My sister then spoke to me. She was laying down on some small mattress that she barely fit onto. It was also, somehow, like she was laying inside a car, maybe in the back of a car, even while she was in the living room.

My sister told me, "I've got to get ready for my wedding. I've gotten a rainbow dress. But I haven't picked it up yet. It wasn't ready until just now."

While my sister went off, out of the room, I spoke some more with my niece. My niece stood-sat on my legs as I sat on the ground and had my knees together and drawn up. My niece would lean her back backwards over my knees. She was also listening to some device I had, like an iPod or iPhone.

I had been playing some kind of YouTube video for my niece. It was of some old TV show, like from the 1950s. My niece wasn't watching the video at all. She had some white headphones in her ears, and she'd listen to the video. But I was holding the device, sort of looking at it.

The video was over. I tried to find another one for my niece. This was also an old show. But it was in color: a lot of sparkling pinks. I asked my niece at some point if these videos were boring. She said they weren't boring. They sounded fine. I figured that as long as the videos had an interesting sounding story, my niece would be happy.

My sister may have come back. I was standing at some odd corner of the living room for a moment, facing the thin end of a wall dividing the living room from a hallway.

I was now in the front, right corner of a living room again. It was probably late afternoon. It was dark blue outside. But the living room was lit with slightly dim, warm, incandescent light. The room was furnished now, instead of being barren.

I stood before a table that had some food on it. I was apparently at some party, like a holiday party, probably at my family's house. I was trying to decide what kind of food I wanted. I saw enchiladas, either on the table or in my head. I may also have seen spaghetti.

I now heard Quentin Tarantino behind me. Tarantino was talking with a circle of people. He was giving them some conspiracy theory speech. I can't remember what it was about. But Tarantino then asked everybody, "And what do you think they linked it all together under? -----, which is a well-known supporter of the Ku Klux Klan! This is all about white supremacy!"

Tarantino continued his speech. I decided to join the circle. I didn't quite believe anything Tarantino was saying. But he made it sound interesting. And it was, after all, Quentin Tarantino I was getting a chance to listen to.

But right before I got to the circle, my second oldest nephew came up to me and started making goofy noises and showing me something on his Nintendo DS. I was still trying to be nice. So I spent a few moments listening to my nephew and being goofy with him.

I then joined the circle -- kind of. I felt like I had to stand at a distance and act like I wasn't really paying attention to what was being said. I had a feeling everybody in the circle thought I was a spy. So if I paid too close attention, they'd think I was memorizing what they said, so I could inform on them.

So I stood just outside the circle, turned at a kind of angle. I rested my right arm up on the mantle of a fireplace. I may also have rested an iPad there. The fireplace and wall were of thick, grey stone.

bus and ferry; bees on hands

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in a huge parking lot that was probably out in the middle of a forest. I had probably been on a big bus. But the bus had broken down. I had a few of my bags out on the asphalt beside the bus. A few other people were probably also standing outside the bus with me.

There was another bus. I got onto it. It was now heading away. It had driven off the parking lot and was just now starting to head up a forest road. I was probably standing near the front of the bus, asking the bus driver, a woman, if this bus was going to the right place. The woman probably told me yes.

I was a little uneasy about taking the bus, even still. I didn't want to go to the wrong place. But I figured the woman knew what she was talking about. I should just relax and listen to her.

Now I remembered that I'd left my bags out by the first bus. I hadn't forgotten them there: I'd left them there for a reason. But now I began to feel a bit uneasy about it. I didn't want people stealing my bags. Before, I'd felt like I could trust them there. I was still trying to maintain that trust. But I couldn't I was too afraid somebody would steal my bags.

I asked to be let off the bus. I hurried back to the first bus. But now the bus was something like a white ferry-boat.

The boat must have been docked sideways, because I could see a lot of the side of the boat. It went up about three levels, and the sides were all open. There were a lot of people sitting on all the levels of the boat. Many of them may have been dressed up in white suits, like something people from the late 1800s or early 1900s may have worn.

I heard somebody calling my name from one of the higher up levels. It sounded like kids. I figured the kids were my nephews. But I knew they were different people. (I may have thought of myself as a different person at this point, possibly even as some attractive, wealthy, young woman.) I also knew that the kids were purposely calling in a voice that would taunt and scare me.

Eventually a narrator's voice began talking about why the kids were using the scary voice. The person I had been was now a person I was aware of in the third-person. She was a woman getting onto the ferry.

The narrator said that the children were trying to scare the woman off the ferry. But the woman wouldn't be scared: partly because she knew the kids and wouldn't be scared by them; and partly because the business she had to take care of by getting onto the ferry boat was too important.

Dream #2

I was out in an open field on a sunny day. The field may have been a bit rolling, not a level lawn. My views were often of looking up or down a slight incline of lawn.

I was with my three-year-old niece, probably my mom, and possibly some of my other relatives. My niece had gotten something sweet and sticky on her hands. A bee was now attracted to her.

My niece was afraid of the bee. But I told her not to be afraid. I said that the bee would most likely just land on her, gather a bit of the honey (I'm not sure I said "honey"), and fly away. But, I told my niece, if she panicked, the bee would also panic and sting her.

The bee, which was pretty big, maybe 5cm long, landed on my niece's hand or arm. It was pretty calm, although it kept on waggling its rear end so that I thought it might actually sting my niece. But my niece stayed calm.

But now a bee flew onto my hand or arm. Apparently I had sweet, sticky stuff on me, too! As soon as I saw the bee land on me, I began flinching and waving my arms. I may even have begun running around -- maybe even rolling around! -- in a panic, trying to get the bee off of me. I was sure it was going to sting me.