Dream 1
I had come into an office, probably as a temporary receptionist or something. I sat down at some cubicle. It was the beginning of the day. The office floor was dim, like there were no lights on, but blue daylight was coming through some window walls in the distance, and maybe from some window-walled alcove behind me.
I may have felt a little impatient that it was just the beginning of the day. I may already have felt annoyed at having to sit at this cubicle desk all day long, doing nothing and probably being treated nicely but sort of condescendingly by the other people in the office.
I was probably myself. But I may also either have been a really sexy, girly woman wearing sexy office girl clothes without really noticing it. I may also simply have been wearing the sexy office girl clothes without noticing it. Or I may have been wearing some scrapped-out girl clothes (the ones I sometimes wear for my masturbation fantasies in waking life) without noticing it.
I was probably thinking about the path my professional life had taken. I was disappointed with myself. I had worked a lot and done a lot of great things. But somehow I'd thrown it all away and was back at the start again, working as a temporary receptionist. I may have wondered if there wasn't some quick way I could get myself back to where I'd been.
I looked off to my left. Beyond some glass walls was another room that may have looked like a library or a set of book stacks. I probably felt like whatever was in those books related to some kind of strong interest I'd had in my previous professional work. I decided to go there, so I could look into my old professional interests, just for my own sake.
As I walked into the room, I saw, beyond a few rows of bookshelves, MM, someone from one of the first professional positions to start my serious career life (back in 2005), sitting at something like a microfiche machine. MM looked up from her machine and saw me, too.
I maybe walked behind one of the bookshelves, possibly thoughtlessly, but possibly on purpose. I may have seen a desk, like a receptionist's desk, that I thought I needed to sit at. It was like my job now took place in this room instead of the other room.
MM called out to some other folks. She said she'd spotted me. She told the people that they should follow me and try to get me involved in whatever project they were working on. She said I was the kind of person that, once people had me on their team, they would just start winning all the time.
But I was now laying in a bed in between one of the book stacks and a window wall looking into the other office area. I wasn't wearing a shirt. And the only thing I wore around my lower body was a skirt-like item of clothing I use for my masturbation fantasies in waking life and maybe a pair of panties.
I hoped neither MM nor the people she was calling to would pursue me. I didn't want them to see me like this. I especially didn't want MM to see me like this, as I was pretty sure she'd been romantically attracted to me when we'd worked together.
Two men came in through a glass door and stood beside the bed. It was like this space -- still almost the exact same office/library space it had been before -- was now either my bedroom or some hospital room. The men may have looked like stereotypical detectives from a 1940s movie.
I was embarrassed to have the men here, because of the shameful way I was dressed. But the men also seemed menacing, like they were part of some weird governmental group that was just taking people away from their lives for reasons nobody understood.
Once the men were at the head of the bed (it may really have felt like a hospital bed, with an elevated head, at this point), they were both suddenly under dark blue (like a dull, navy blue, but with just a tinge of a dark, forest green to the blue) blankets. The sight of these men just standing stock-still was creepy and unsettling. The men intended it to be so.
The men were now both out from under the blankets. But they stood in some weird position, like one of them had manage to get behind the headboard of my bed (which was now like a regular bed, in a low, wooden frame with a bookshelf-like headboard), while the other one stood close to the first one, but just beside the bed.
The man behind the bed was carrying a license plate or some kind of stiff piece of paper that looked like a license plate. He may possibly have been carrying this thing the whole time. The "license plate" indicated that it came from Cornell, i.e. the university, as if the university were a place you could reside in, like a state, and get a license plate from.
The two men may have taken turns telling me about a project they were working on. It was called something like COM, or Cornell-COM, or Cornell-MOC. It may possibly have been some sort of military project or government project in cooperation with Cornell. Or it may have been a project that Cornell was working on alone that seemed a lot like it would or should be a government or military project.
The project may have sounded interesting to me. But I wasn't quite sure I wanted to be a part of it. I actually wasn't sure what my involvement was supposed to be. I felt like these guys may have been trying to lure me into a situation where I'd actually be tortured by them as part of some twisted government or university experiment.
But even if I had completely trusted the men and their program, I still wasn't sure I'd want to join. If I joined I'd have to go with the men right now. But I knew I wouldn't want to do that. As soon as I got out of bed they'd see that the only clothing I was wearing was a tattered skirt I used to masturbate in and maybe a pair of equally worn-out panties.
Showing posts with label transvestite shame. Show all posts
Showing posts with label transvestite shame. Show all posts
Monday, June 18, 2018
Thursday, October 25, 2012
restaurant with friend; wearing little panties
Good morning, everybody.
Dream #1
It was night. I was in a restaurant with my old friend ML. We may have been with some other friends. The restaurant we were in was dim, lit by candlelight. The restaurant may have been a French-style restaurant or fancy cafe.
ML and I walked up to a bar on the opposite side of the restaurant from our table. We were apparently going to order desserts from the bar, like the bar was actually a coffee and pastry counter. There was a stand-up card display of desserts. There may also have been a fold-out menu.
ML may already have known what he wanted. I had to look for a minute to decide. I felt like ML was a little disappointed in me. I felt like he thought that, by getting dessert, I was overeating. I may have thought that I could make ML less disappointed in me by getting a light dessert rather than a heavy one. But I may have decided on some kind of chocolate-coated chocolate cheesecake with some kind of sweet, red shavings or sprinkles on it.
Dream #2
It was night. I was in a small bedroom a few floors up in a small apartment building. The bedroom probably wasn't mine: I was probably just watching it for somebody. The room was cluttered. It had two beds, both of which were piled up with the room owner's belongings. In addition to watching the room, I may also possibly have been assigned to ordering the room so that some of these personal belongings could easily be moved out.
I had been facing a bed along one of the short end walls. I now noticed that the bed to my right had some piles of neatly folded clothes all stacked up under something that looked like a broken-apart desk. I looked closer at the clothes and saw they were mainly women's clothes.
Then I saw some panties. The panties were kind of tiny, maybe for young girls, probably too small for me. But I figured I'd try to wear them, anyway. I tried on one pair of panties. They may have fit, but I wasn't satisfied with them.
There were a second pair, which I thought were lovely. They were also tiny. The hips had a wide look to them, like a mix between boy-short panties and bikini panties. They were white cotton, but they had childish, purple designs on them, maybe like letters and numbers. There may also have been a "pocket" design somewhere, like the pentagonal house-shape of the back pockets of jeans, except really small.
I may have wanted to try on these panties. But as I did, I could hear three or four old people down on the sidewalk outside. They were having some normal conversation. They were completely unaware of me. But I thought that if I could hear them right now, they might be able, at any point in time, to see me trying on these panties.
I think the people who owned this apartment knew I was a bit of a transvestite, and they didn't care. But I didn't want other people to know. I wasn't even really afraid of the old people downstairs knowing. What I was more worried about were younger guys walking past the building, accidentally seeing me, getting angry, and deciding to get violent with me. So I decided not to try wearing the panties, even though I liked them a lot.
Dream #1
It was night. I was in a restaurant with my old friend ML. We may have been with some other friends. The restaurant we were in was dim, lit by candlelight. The restaurant may have been a French-style restaurant or fancy cafe.
ML and I walked up to a bar on the opposite side of the restaurant from our table. We were apparently going to order desserts from the bar, like the bar was actually a coffee and pastry counter. There was a stand-up card display of desserts. There may also have been a fold-out menu.
ML may already have known what he wanted. I had to look for a minute to decide. I felt like ML was a little disappointed in me. I felt like he thought that, by getting dessert, I was overeating. I may have thought that I could make ML less disappointed in me by getting a light dessert rather than a heavy one. But I may have decided on some kind of chocolate-coated chocolate cheesecake with some kind of sweet, red shavings or sprinkles on it.
Dream #2
It was night. I was in a small bedroom a few floors up in a small apartment building. The bedroom probably wasn't mine: I was probably just watching it for somebody. The room was cluttered. It had two beds, both of which were piled up with the room owner's belongings. In addition to watching the room, I may also possibly have been assigned to ordering the room so that some of these personal belongings could easily be moved out.
I had been facing a bed along one of the short end walls. I now noticed that the bed to my right had some piles of neatly folded clothes all stacked up under something that looked like a broken-apart desk. I looked closer at the clothes and saw they were mainly women's clothes.
Then I saw some panties. The panties were kind of tiny, maybe for young girls, probably too small for me. But I figured I'd try to wear them, anyway. I tried on one pair of panties. They may have fit, but I wasn't satisfied with them.
There were a second pair, which I thought were lovely. They were also tiny. The hips had a wide look to them, like a mix between boy-short panties and bikini panties. They were white cotton, but they had childish, purple designs on them, maybe like letters and numbers. There may also have been a "pocket" design somewhere, like the pentagonal house-shape of the back pockets of jeans, except really small.
I may have wanted to try on these panties. But as I did, I could hear three or four old people down on the sidewalk outside. They were having some normal conversation. They were completely unaware of me. But I thought that if I could hear them right now, they might be able, at any point in time, to see me trying on these panties.
I think the people who owned this apartment knew I was a bit of a transvestite, and they didn't care. But I didn't want other people to know. I wasn't even really afraid of the old people downstairs knowing. What I was more worried about were younger guys walking past the building, accidentally seeing me, getting angry, and deciding to get violent with me. So I decided not to try wearing the panties, even though I liked them a lot.
Monday, July 23, 2012
a grey man tries to rape me
Good morning, everybody.
Dream #1
I had just been with my old female friend PD. She had told me that I could wear some of her clothes, even though I think she was disappointed that I'd wanted to do so. She either told me where I could get her clothes or told me to come back for her clothes later on.
I was walking down the left sidewalk of a road like a road on the outside of a big city. Either side of the street was lined with buildings, like residential buildings with storefronts on the first floor. And the street seemed wide. But something about it all also felt fake, like I was actually on a sound stage. The sky was dark grey with clouds.
Wherever I was heading was so close that it was almost within view. It was like the road curved downward just a tiny bit in the distance, and wherever I was going (maybe to get some of PD's clothes to wear?) was just down beyond that slope.
But now a young man came walking down the sidewalk. He was really skinny and he was acting really weird, maybe a little twitchy. I thought he might have been on drugs. He looked like he was aiming to get up right on top of me and annoy me. So I figured I'd get over to the other side of the street before he got to me. But when he saw me crossing the street he started crossing, too. He gave me a look, like he knew I thought I was getting away from him, but that he wouldn't let me get away.
By the time I was in the middle of the street, the guy was also in the middle of the street. He was a lot closer to me now. I could see that he was a white man with blonde hair. He wore a baggy t-shirt, jeans that weren't as baggy, and a baseball cap, which he had scrunched down on his head so it was hard to see his features. But, as well as being a blonde, white man, he was also grey, like he had been covered in grey greasepaint, or like he was a statue come to life.
I had decided to cross back over to the first side of the street as soon as I saw that the man was following me to the other side of the street. I decided that what I would do would be, without looking either worried or annoyed, pick up my speed of walking and walk ahead of the guy before he got back to this side of the street. I figured that he mainly just wanted to cross my path. So as long as I got up ahead of him, he'd just forget about me and go away.
But the man actually came charging at me instead. He grabbed me from behind. He grabbed me around the stomach and chest with both arms and pulled his body close to my back. He put his mouth close to my right ear and began to say sexual things to me. He had managed to lift up my shirt. He was stroking my bare stomach and chest. It became evident that the man didn't think he was assaulting me. He thought that I liked him as much as he liked me. He thought this was some kind of foreplay.
I was trying to break out of the man's grasp. I had worked my way back up the sidewalk. I was staring at a wall full of full-height lockers, like in a high school hallway. The lockers were here, apparently, instead of a storefront. I then worked my way back out into the middle of the street. I finally managed to throw the guy off me, but I can't remember how. I yelled something at him, possibly a reproach, like, "If someone doesn't like you, just leave them alone!"
The guy seemed like he was through pursuing me. I started walking back to where I had originally been heading. But the guy started following me again. This time he was always a few steps behind me, calling out, "Hey! You're a pervert! What are you, going to find women's clothes to wear? That's sick, don't you think? A man wearing women's clothes?"
The street seemed to fade into the place where PD's clothes were. The place was a big room, like in a mansion. There was a staircase that then went down, in a c-shaped curve, to a smaller room. The smaller room could be seen from the balcony of the room above.
I walked down the staircase. A bunch of PD's clothes were on the floor, like the clothes had just been scattered all over the place and left there. But it was also like the clothes were on sale, like this was a shop, maybe even a shop owned by PD, but that PD was letting me have some clothes for free. The grey man was still up on the balcony, looking down at me. He had been shouting derogatory comments for a while. But now he was just watching me.
I was mainly looking for lingerie to wear. Everything, even the regular clothes, seemed to be made in a weird way. Nothing seemed like it would fit very well. I could hardly find any lingerie. But when I did, it would be cut in such a skimpy way or awkward way that I knew there would be no way I could wear it. I may have started to wonder if PD had led me here on purpose, so that, seeing all these kinds of clothes that would never work on a man, I'd feel bad for having wanted to wear women's clothes.
I finally found something I thought I'd like. It was supposed to be lingerie. But it was really two cowgirl boots, made out of white leather, with a weird strap connecting the boots. The strap was made out of some lingerie-like material, more crepe-like than satiny or silky. It was maybe a meter long. It was pink toward the edges and white toward the middle, like a flower. And there was actually some fake flower blossom right in the center of the strap. I couldn't figure out how I was supposed to wear the thing.
***
UPDATE: A discussion of some of the images from this dream can be found at this entry of my dreamday journal.
UPDATE 2: Added two drawings to entry, July 23, 2012, 2:52 PM, Mountain Standard Time.
Dream #1
I had just been with my old female friend PD. She had told me that I could wear some of her clothes, even though I think she was disappointed that I'd wanted to do so. She either told me where I could get her clothes or told me to come back for her clothes later on.
I was walking down the left sidewalk of a road like a road on the outside of a big city. Either side of the street was lined with buildings, like residential buildings with storefronts on the first floor. And the street seemed wide. But something about it all also felt fake, like I was actually on a sound stage. The sky was dark grey with clouds.
Wherever I was heading was so close that it was almost within view. It was like the road curved downward just a tiny bit in the distance, and wherever I was going (maybe to get some of PD's clothes to wear?) was just down beyond that slope.
But now a young man came walking down the sidewalk. He was really skinny and he was acting really weird, maybe a little twitchy. I thought he might have been on drugs. He looked like he was aiming to get up right on top of me and annoy me. So I figured I'd get over to the other side of the street before he got to me. But when he saw me crossing the street he started crossing, too. He gave me a look, like he knew I thought I was getting away from him, but that he wouldn't let me get away.
By the time I was in the middle of the street, the guy was also in the middle of the street. He was a lot closer to me now. I could see that he was a white man with blonde hair. He wore a baggy t-shirt, jeans that weren't as baggy, and a baseball cap, which he had scrunched down on his head so it was hard to see his features. But, as well as being a blonde, white man, he was also grey, like he had been covered in grey greasepaint, or like he was a statue come to life.
I had decided to cross back over to the first side of the street as soon as I saw that the man was following me to the other side of the street. I decided that what I would do would be, without looking either worried or annoyed, pick up my speed of walking and walk ahead of the guy before he got back to this side of the street. I figured that he mainly just wanted to cross my path. So as long as I got up ahead of him, he'd just forget about me and go away.
But the man actually came charging at me instead. He grabbed me from behind. He grabbed me around the stomach and chest with both arms and pulled his body close to my back. He put his mouth close to my right ear and began to say sexual things to me. He had managed to lift up my shirt. He was stroking my bare stomach and chest. It became evident that the man didn't think he was assaulting me. He thought that I liked him as much as he liked me. He thought this was some kind of foreplay.
I was trying to break out of the man's grasp. I had worked my way back up the sidewalk. I was staring at a wall full of full-height lockers, like in a high school hallway. The lockers were here, apparently, instead of a storefront. I then worked my way back out into the middle of the street. I finally managed to throw the guy off me, but I can't remember how. I yelled something at him, possibly a reproach, like, "If someone doesn't like you, just leave them alone!"
The guy seemed like he was through pursuing me. I started walking back to where I had originally been heading. But the guy started following me again. This time he was always a few steps behind me, calling out, "Hey! You're a pervert! What are you, going to find women's clothes to wear? That's sick, don't you think? A man wearing women's clothes?"
The street seemed to fade into the place where PD's clothes were. The place was a big room, like in a mansion. There was a staircase that then went down, in a c-shaped curve, to a smaller room. The smaller room could be seen from the balcony of the room above.
I walked down the staircase. A bunch of PD's clothes were on the floor, like the clothes had just been scattered all over the place and left there. But it was also like the clothes were on sale, like this was a shop, maybe even a shop owned by PD, but that PD was letting me have some clothes for free. The grey man was still up on the balcony, looking down at me. He had been shouting derogatory comments for a while. But now he was just watching me.
I was mainly looking for lingerie to wear. Everything, even the regular clothes, seemed to be made in a weird way. Nothing seemed like it would fit very well. I could hardly find any lingerie. But when I did, it would be cut in such a skimpy way or awkward way that I knew there would be no way I could wear it. I may have started to wonder if PD had led me here on purpose, so that, seeing all these kinds of clothes that would never work on a man, I'd feel bad for having wanted to wear women's clothes.
I finally found something I thought I'd like. It was supposed to be lingerie. But it was really two cowgirl boots, made out of white leather, with a weird strap connecting the boots. The strap was made out of some lingerie-like material, more crepe-like than satiny or silky. It was maybe a meter long. It was pink toward the edges and white toward the middle, like a flower. And there was actually some fake flower blossom right in the center of the strap. I couldn't figure out how I was supposed to wear the thing.
***
UPDATE: A discussion of some of the images from this dream can be found at this entry of my dreamday journal.
UPDATE 2: Added two drawings to entry, July 23, 2012, 2:52 PM, Mountain Standard Time.
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